It was a stupid dream
but I was still afraid that the answer would be what I didn't want to know. 11:08 PM Thursday, January 28, 2010
I think that
I don't want to truly care for anybody again.
Today I have been exasperatingly unproductive with my report. Made it a point to come back really early, immediately after school so that I could carry on with it. But I can never do work proper before it's 12am at home. It has to be completely quiet. There should be nobody coming to disturb. No vehicles on the roads with the exception of some stupid idiots revving their engines loud enough for the whole neighbourhood. I have not been able to organise my thoughts today, making it really bad when there is a report to be done. It's like I sort of know what to do, but I can't get my mind to be in a right state and I am messed up over and over again whenever I try to think. And then I get stuck and become unable to continue. Darn it I don't like this.
Well the ache on my back has now evolved and is evenly distributed on both sides, but the pain less intense. On a positive note, I won't be limping already because it used to hurt only on one side.
And after all these projects are due, it's about two weeks left until the exams. I'm quite worried for two modules because one of them I totally understand zero percent. More like I haven't read up on it. And the other, it doesn't have a decent passing rate from past records as mentioned by lecturers themselves. I can't afford to let the GPA slip in fact it has to go even higher and better. Studying will be fun, in a couple week's time. And after exams comes the break, after the break comes the new academic year. Which wouldn't be an easy year there's FYP, should be challenging to achieve distinction!
Well time flies fast. Just unhappy times doesn't.
Although I mentioned that it is late into the night that is more conducive for lecturing myself, it's ironic because I will still fall asleep on the study desk amidst my endeavor on conquering the module and its related jargon. Last semester was different I had aid to help keep me awake. If I don't turn nocturnal a week before exams then that's it I would be pretty much a goner with my results. I was awfully lucky with MST papers, I couldn't take it and I slept and thank god or whatever thing that the questions turned out to be familiar. And come to think of it, MSTs doesn't sound like a thing too distant away it sounds recent.
I would like to develop solid defined toned legs and especially, calves! I think it's damn nice, although many thinks it's scary and freaky looking. This set of calves looks damn awesome. Besides that, nice tan!
But looking at the footwear it supposedly belongs to a female, damn it. Unless this is some kind of masculine cross-dresser, then he's a freak.
And that's it, since this night isn't productive I'll go stock up on sleep time. 12:57 AM Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I guess what people want sometimes is the attention.
Just the amount of it a lot or a little.
2:34 AM Monday, January 25, 2010Just the amount of it a lot or a little.
Right so I googled 'yawn' for images and why is it that so many of them are pictures of babies? They don't really look that adorable to me when yawning actually. Damn I'm sleepy but no I don't have the feeling for bed yet, like, if I were to try to sleep now I would definitely roll. There's AEIS assignment, although deadline is probably half a month or so away but I was supposed to have my part done by yesterday night and no it's not done. What the heck am I doing. I keep telling myself I have to do it I have to. Go home and do it. Nothing else. But NO I DIDN'T DO IT DAMN IT. Damn stupid damn stupid. Okay besides that, pathetic turnout for league today. On the brighter side of this is that yes there's more game time. And because there's more game time I made more mistakes. :( :( :( Silly mistakes like releasing the disc too high especially. But I still like today because we did more by ourselves and not relying on key players. But whatever I'm just looking for stuff to talk about really. These few days haven't been interesting. Everything worth talking about isn't anything positive so let's skip that. And by doing so I have nothing else to talk about so this marks the end of this short lousy update goodbye! Oh ya somebody if you have a routine to improve on speed do let me know? 12:14 AM
'Happy Birthday' comes across as ironic to me. As far as I can remember, there hasn't been any remotely happy one. Or it could be that I only store the negative stuff. Right although mine's far away but I don't know what triggered this thought either it came pretty suddenly. It should be an easier day to pass if I forgot the date. There are promises sometimes that you don't want to witness being broken. Or probably just having the simplest expectations. But on this day disappointment tends to be magnified and it will be etched deep into your mind.
This thought doesn't contribute to why Wednesday was a bad day.
Btw, get out of that sun until you're completely well again. The field won't run away. 12:42 AM Thursday, January 21, 2010
Today sucked.
But Happy Birthday Joan.
I would wish to shut myself out.
From realities.
I don't want to know
whatever I know already.
I don't like to know
that these are going to happen.
I don't want things
to remain the way they are.
But nothing will change anyway.
I can never believe how I feel.
Or how I became like this.
From realities.
I don't want to know
whatever I know already.
I don't like to know
that these are going to happen.
I don't want things
to remain the way they are.
But nothing will change anyway.
I can never believe how I feel.
Or how I became like this.
I don't want to go to school. The journey is long and my bag isn't exactly very light. I already can't stand up straight and then there's still the bag to pull me down. Plus, there is a need to bring the laptop to school. Though it's small and pretty light for a laptop, it's still a considerable weight. I don't even want to walk to the kitchen, what more having to go to school and walk around. My mom says I shouldn't be sitting when I'm having a backache but that's exactly what I will be doing in school the whole day! Coming to the laptop thing, there's presentation tomorrow and the groups will be randomly selected for it and I am not exactly prepared. So that means my groupmates have not seen the light of it yet. So that means on the whole, we are hardly prepared. I don't want to move I don't want to go to school I don't want to do my presentation. On my way to school I experienced a near blackout on the train it was quite interesting, though scary. I had my earphones plugged in and then slowly the music was diminishing there was no sound eventually. Then everything really became a blur. Then it felt like I had loose bowels and they were racing to be purged from the body. And then I broke out in cold sweat. Then my knees went weak. Then the Indian guy in front of me was staring at me but I can't be bothered because I was afraid I would faint. So I got out had a sit and went home hahaha shit damn loser. Just two stops away from school but I went home instead.
You see, do presentation need to have a lot of visual aids one and it's not that simple to just look for any picture. Relevance and quality is important! And then, composition of image and words. Not just a plethora of words and nobody would be interested in looking at it. Aiya crap I am wasting time here. Because I really have no mood to do it. Ah shit man. Halp. Catholic High is not gay. 11:32 PM Monday, January 18, 2010
Oh yeah I love one word replies.
That I can't reply to.
Too darn awesome.
Don't tell me my replies kills continuation most of the time because really how true is that statement. Especially not when you do that too. Or probably even better than me at that. I hate it. You're the only person I want to and will talk to but no thanks for providing that element of challenge. Don't tell me I have to put in the effort. Still it will end up with shit replies. Yeah the guy has to initiate initiate initiate and meet things like this bear with it. And so it will still be my fault.That I can't reply to.
Too darn awesome.
Fuck no I'm not in a position to ask for anything so this shouldn't be much of an issue to you.
9:54 PM Sunday, January 17, 2010
Bad back. Yes another picture in attempt to make this entry less boring looking. Very accurately this picture depicts what I am experiencing, at that exact spot. I want massage. Previously it was my lower right back, now it's the left. Wth taking turns. It's damn freaking uncomfortable I can't walk fast, can't run, neither can I bend down. It hurts when I rest my weight on my left leg. I think I can attribute this to much of the torso rotating yesterday while throwing. Well they say want to throw far, involve your body too so I did ... So this could be a result of yesterday's throwing. But the pain only came mid-game just now. I hate to have a game with injuries because I know, can hardly perform. I don't like to play not to my fullest. I played horrible. So that sucks. Injuries suck. It is damn pain.
Happy today. I learnt two new things. Of which I can only remember one... I have been trying to recall what's the second thing, I can't and it is irritating so I am not going to think about it already. But I learnt today! And the item which I can remember - a huck. Yes yay I managed some hucking today. Never been able to do that since I started and today marks my first! I'm pretty excited to try it in the field see how it works out in a proper game field as well as in game and under pressure. Want to see how well or bad it turns out, but I don't think it should be too bad. Ironically it wasn't training time when I attempted it but 5 hours or so after training ended at the hardcourt woohoo I like to know I can do it and I can! For this I got to indirectly thank Henry Qinyi Dave Brendon because we were talking while lepaking after training, and we digress and digress then finally I talked about backhand grips and yay we went to the hardcourt to try it out. Yipeee! Hahaha yipee is gay right whatever lah. I'm quite pleased with my distance and target hitting for today although I was going more for distance. But that's only for backhand, my forehand is WTF it can't really go far. I want to identify the problem with it. Gam xia Brendon for practicing with me hahaha he's my best prac-throw buddy. (Y)
I got to specially mention Dave he gave me much laughter today. Very dead in the morning and extremely talkative and hilarious in the afternoon. I swear, 3 hours plus of talk cock sing song with them and Dave was majorly the person talking and he was damn funny and gay at times, but that's okay HAHA no I'm not gay or in love with him. Everything mentioned during lepak sessions like this are usually classified and there is no exception to this one so ... nothing he said that I can talk about but his words plus actions makes a super dosage of laugh.
Sadly Rachel no I don't really like short posts. Well since it's not often that I make an update anyway so too bad for you this is my blog I happy I want to make my entry like this lehhh.
Coming back to today. There were plans for tauhuay then since we were at the hardcourt and some people came over while waiting for the others we decided to join in as well. With the exception of Qinyi pangseh kia leh. So at tauhuay I was sitting across 1 insanely loud insane girl Janessa, with Erjie and Yanching la they are damn capable of making a din. Okay it's not like I just found out or nobody knew that. Janessa stole two heads of my fried dough fritters and I love my dough fritter heads ughhh never mind! In the meantime we had some kind of a ... fake heated discussion where this young girl was trying to outwit me (which is hardly possible). Apparently our discussion raised some attention hahaha it must be interesting to see her getting pwned. K other than that I guess that's my highlight of tauhuay today hahaha.
Actually, I don't know why I have that picture above in this post. It's hardly related because ... he's actually mid-layout-ing and not relevant in terms of content. But just talking about that picture, it's pretty much an interesting viewpoint. Afterall you don't have moments frozen like this right in your face. Besides that I feel the subjects are rather interestingly placed. If this is not staged I have to say you would need some luck for this shot. Not forgetting experience of course. And important in my opinion, gear! Aiya digressed already I was trying to say actually because my posts are damn wordy so I try to salvage my blog a little I hope so that my bored readers, you, won't feel so gang kor reading such long text. But then again here I go again this is my blog hahaha I happy lehhh!
Not stopping yet.
Main event for the week was actually IVP team selections. For myself honestly I didn't really expect much. So they say don't hope for too much or it will be a painful fall. Or something like that right I can't even google that idiom out! The sad truth is I didn't make it lah. Now I suddenly got no comments to this hahaha. Okay I wasn't badly disappointed it feels weird not to be actually. I was sleeping before looking at the results, and after having seen it I tried to get back to sleep but I couldn't actually. Aiya I don't want to talk about this anymore can't continue.
I can't stand it when there's a project to be done and I have no idea what I should no. Not in the sense that I don't know what to do, but how to do. Like I can't organise my thoughts and put them into actions. I must work with order. And neatness. Ahh powerpoint is my supposed to be my forte and there's one supposedly due Tuesday but I can't think what should be added to the project whatttt! At the same time my mind is too lazy to bother about it. I can't fucking split my videos to add to the powerpoint and that's a headache. Don't tell me it's just using Windows Movie Maker to split what's so difficult about it. I am encoutering a problem with it! I can't do shit with the split file! My original file is a video file without audio. Format is .avi. After splitting the second part just goes black I can't do anything! Ahhh anybody has solution please.
Huck pull huck pullllllll I want to try it again and use it.
I got to specially mention Dave he gave me much laughter today. Very dead in the morning and extremely talkative and hilarious in the afternoon. I swear, 3 hours plus of talk cock sing song with them and Dave was majorly the person talking and he was damn funny and gay at times, but that's okay HAHA no I'm not gay or in love with him. Everything mentioned during lepak sessions like this are usually classified and there is no exception to this one so ... nothing he said that I can talk about but his words plus actions makes a super dosage of laugh.
Sadly Rachel no I don't really like short posts. Well since it's not often that I make an update anyway so too bad for you this is my blog I happy I want to make my entry like this lehhh.
Coming back to today. There were plans for tauhuay then since we were at the hardcourt and some people came over while waiting for the others we decided to join in as well. With the exception of Qinyi pangseh kia leh. So at tauhuay I was sitting across 1 insanely loud insane girl Janessa, with Erjie and Yanching la they are damn capable of making a din. Okay it's not like I just found out or nobody knew that. Janessa stole two heads of my fried dough fritters and I love my dough fritter heads ughhh never mind! In the meantime we had some kind of a ... fake heated discussion where this young girl was trying to outwit me (which is hardly possible). Apparently our discussion raised some attention hahaha it must be interesting to see her getting pwned. K other than that I guess that's my highlight of tauhuay today hahaha.
Actually, I don't know why I have that picture above in this post. It's hardly related because ... he's actually mid-layout-ing and not relevant in terms of content. But just talking about that picture, it's pretty much an interesting viewpoint. Afterall you don't have moments frozen like this right in your face. Besides that I feel the subjects are rather interestingly placed. If this is not staged I have to say you would need some luck for this shot. Not forgetting experience of course. And important in my opinion, gear! Aiya digressed already I was trying to say actually because my posts are damn wordy so I try to salvage my blog a little I hope so that my bored readers, you, won't feel so gang kor reading such long text. But then again here I go again this is my blog hahaha I happy lehhh!
Not stopping yet.
Main event for the week was actually IVP team selections. For myself honestly I didn't really expect much. So they say don't hope for too much or it will be a painful fall. Or something like that right I can't even google that idiom out! The sad truth is I didn't make it lah. Now I suddenly got no comments to this hahaha. Okay I wasn't badly disappointed it feels weird not to be actually. I was sleeping before looking at the results, and after having seen it I tried to get back to sleep but I couldn't actually. Aiya I don't want to talk about this anymore can't continue.
I can't stand it when there's a project to be done and I have no idea what I should no. Not in the sense that I don't know what to do, but how to do. Like I can't organise my thoughts and put them into actions. I must work with order. And neatness. Ahh powerpoint is my supposed to be my forte and there's one supposedly due Tuesday but I can't think what should be added to the project whatttt! At the same time my mind is too lazy to bother about it. I can't fucking split my videos to add to the powerpoint and that's a headache. Don't tell me it's just using Windows Movie Maker to split what's so difficult about it. I am encoutering a problem with it! I can't do shit with the split file! My original file is a video file without audio. Format is .avi. After splitting the second part just goes black I can't do anything! Ahhh anybody has solution please.
Huck pull huck pullllllll I want to try it again and use it.
Today's league was two more wins. It felt really great today on the field, like I had too much energy to spend and to keep running hard. But then I don't really know what to feel for the games because I made so stupid mistakes I practically threw away discs and twice in front of the endzone. It felt really like super shit when I see myself put shit disc and then my teammate had to chase for it but because I put it so much like shit they didn't. Looking at people do mistakes similar mistakes makes me very arghhh but then, cannot comment much I'm also like this.
When I see teammates score, I don't really feel much but happy for the team. I know some people would be grouching why wasn't it them, why didn't anybody put it to them. I feel happier to help the team in progressing but of course, scoring is the final touch to it. I like to go in and help. I sort of liked the way I played my defense today although it wasn't the best I could manage. But then woah super energetic I super love that feeling run run run.
Though I have been stagnant for a long time I do hope I am improving that one not up to me to say. From the start of my voyage through ultimate I have to thank a few people specifically, although I might have done this in my last post of 2009 but whatever la this is my blog hahaha so they are Rudy Joel Sharon Hwee Josh Jim. And although Jim talk very jiao but I know it's 出自一片好心 sounds weird but yah just that he make it sound wtf. Sorry I fierce to you just now don't mind me I was very very dulan just now. And the rest for being patient to answer questions when I ask, as well as for teaching me. Plus for telling me when I do wrong. I remember it was Wanyu followed by Xindi who taught me how to throw a disc hahaha my first training day, at the stadium. And we didn't do much that day but my whole body ache like shit. And it feels like I've ever blogged about this have I?
Okay TapTap very fun but I don't have the machine to play them at will so sian. Hahaha I know I'm damn slow now version what already right. But games like DJmax, Guitar Hero I can't really play them I'll keep missing the notes. And my stomach got problem lah I keep wanting to shit but when I go it's either I only fart or only got a few drops plok but my stomach still pain wtf lah sorry disgusting heh heh.
I'm gonna put myself to improve, level by level getting my primary objectives achieved first. 10:07 PM Sunday, January 10, 2010
I have nothing to blog about but I cannot make my blog stagnant again but in fact I feel like blogging but I have nothing to blog about! And then the space for entries is so large, a few sentences isn't going to do the job. Okayyyy so ... nothing leh. Thursday training I missed half of it I was in the computer lab looking at them I was having the window seat hahaha and damn it I wanted to go down so bad, because they were doing the drill and I wanted to do it. Especially mushroom drill, I like. So after I went down with vegeboy it was a change of drill, then scrimmage woohoo damn hiong. I have never ever ran so long in a scrimmage for so many points either. But okay, there's always a first. Hm I'm not going to comment on training. My legs were, no, make it are. My legs are loaded with lactic acid. I prefer my old boots, got more feeling to it. Okay sorry, boring post. I type until like that I don't feel like continuing anymore so I will end bye! 12:34 AM Saturday, January 9, 2010
Happy 6th of January.
Take care get well soon.
1:51 AM Wednesday, January 6, 2010Take care get well soon.
I like rain. Heavy ones. Especially in the morning when sleeping but conscious enough to know that it's raining outside. Or even better at night, when going to bed. I like to let the strong winds come into and make the room chilly and cold. And then woo it will be damn comfortable to sleep. I like it when it's cold and I manage to find something to keep me warm. But on another hand I don't like rain also because it hinders me from getting out having my planned activities done and it kills my mood that's only when I want to get out. I don't like to have ulty in rain because I wear spectacles and the droplets keep smacking on my face and the spectacle lenses and I can't see anything! And my shirt would be wet, I have nothing to wipe the glasses if I did, they would be even more blur. Then I can see even more of nothing. But in light rain it's okay I guess, the field is wet and I can do my signature move. While so many has an ability to layout and such, I've never seen anybody else doing leg splits catches on the field. Or sliding around on my boots damaging the field at the same time.
I like the picture above, I like panoramic crops. I like monochrome images as well, sometimes they make the scene more dramatic. I like candid, unplanned, street shots. It has been a long time really since I took any images proper, I still would like to go traveling only for the sake of photographing the experiences abroad. Sounds like a good idea to go to the beach when it rains heavily although there's hardly anything to do then, but looking at the huge waves seems nice. I can only remember the most recent encounter like that was at Sentosa? The shore there is freaking artificial you can't get loud waves. In fact that's mostly the case around Singapore shores I think. According to what I learnt in Geography back in secondary school, it should be ... actually I don't know. I didn't learn anything from studying two years of Pure Geog. But in Singapore the waves we see are definitely nothing. Got to look at the waves from the oceans man.
Okay we're coming into the third day of school for the new year and I was right, although we haven't been doing much I still feel tired when I'm back. Like these two days I was just sitting at the couch and yes I fell asleep I thought I was still having my eyes on the tele. Nothing has changed school and class has still been as uninteresting.
It occured to me that when we are defiant to people older than us, say for example, our parents, I think that they see us as stupid. Because they definitely have more experience in life than us and most of the time, I don't want to admit but they do make decisions that are right and better as compared to ours. I just thought about it because I think children, like really kids of what, secondary school try and pick a fight or always try to talk like they are picking a fight. Obviously, having a kid shorter than me by more than a 30-centimeter ruler skinnier than me maybe half, having a kid like that to fight me it's like hi you are courting your own death, now why don't you just walk away before I beat the hell out of you. Okay I'm not saying I will beat up anybody hahaha, no I won't. But it's what the heck stupid you know you can't possibly fight me, or you can but you will die, so why talk like that really. Come on all it really takes it no more than one hard full swing momentum-ed punch to your smaller than a durian face and you're be out. So don't taunt maybe one day you meet somebody who will really knock you out then good luck have fun you might need to reconstruct your nose.
Gee I saw somebody having this walking out from school wow if I knew where to get it I would snag it asap of course need to look at finances hahaha sian. If you know where to get it, tell me. (OOHHHH I FOUND OUT WHERE!) I'm aware of the price tag to it don't worry. I only know there's a store at Malaysia KL the Berjaya Times' Sq place whoever is going, please inform! Right now is the new year I have many things in mind to buy hahaha it's always like that, most of the time hmm not everything on the list comes home with me. My plan is budget this year, to allow for more!
Ahhhhhh I wantttt!
Ahhhhhh I wantttt!
Wooo first league game win today.
To top it off, it was a win over they who were top of our Pool, until yesterday when they met us. And we ironically, had been losing for 5 games. Really good way to start the year for our team. Janessa's mouth really very accurate, she said we will win and we really did. Okay I'm not gloating, just happy because .. well when you finally get something done right after many attempts, it's something to be happy about right. That kind of feeling. Okay not forgetting, thanks s for floating!
I think I'm really lucky that my assignments they are not due later, or this week. Or maybe one is. Compared to the many others who have wtf, so many to do. And most of them are just in their first year. Wtf. But the darned CATIA big headache!
Okay I feel like re-touching basketball again, hahaha good thing many of those from Ulty I think do that sport too! After two long years of not ever controlling a basketball, it felt not bad having that casual fun last week. Undoubtedly my teammates all damn pekchek with me hahaha don't say I also know.
I'm going to keep myself awake until school, and then again after school so that I'll be really tired and I can sleepy early and yes my sleeping would be back to normal! I have been living on 2 hour of sleep-time every day, but it's not like I can't afford time to sleep. I just can't. And bloody hell the iPod sync here sync there so troublesome, what the heck.
Okay so picture of the day. I really like it, but would be better if there's more ferocity in the expression. Which mayyyybe I can manage to do some p'shopping. Heh heh good thing it's salvageable.
Okay Hong Na you can download this it's full resolution click on it.
Okay Hong Na you can download this it's full resolution click on it.
This night is another sleepless one. No known cause, maybe during this term break I'm too used to sleeping late. Okay but for the hour I spent rolling on my bed I only thought of one person and of course I'm not going to spell it out.
I swear I had this post in mind, while I was still rolling around on the bed, before the very awakening, real, expressive, straightforward post of yours which had some bit of your assumptions in it as well, actually. Hm maybe you can fault me for not putting my words clearly.
Just to make things clear and to reinforce my point, I don't hate you. I have never, neither would I in the future. I don't hate you for whatever you have decided to do, whatever you have said. Ironic that this is coming from me, but I'm not giving an excuse trying to save my ass here.
Alright though whatever that has happened in the past month was nothing that I desired of, I acknowledge the part I play to give this result. It is regrettable to know what a big letdown I have been, and despite that doing nothing thereafter. You're right again I have never tried to put myself in your shoes. Indeed I had no idea what was the extent of disappointment you were facing. Definitely more than me that's for sure. I always carried the hope that you would do a reconsideration. Until just yesterday when I thought over what you have said, looked at you among all of the people. I know I'm never going to make you happy, it will not be enough anyway. When I look at you with them our friends you are definitely more happy and more yourself. And from there, from every other time when I look at you with others, you are more of yourself at times like this. Comparing when you are next to me, really no, what you said is again right I guess you feel really restricted. I'm not a stalker or freak okay but observing you the last two days of last year I see that you are for sure, happier with friends doing what you like saying what you want to. When I see how you avoid, I know there's no further possibility. I don't want to do this, but being there watching and only being able to watch it's not easy it's painful. So I think I'm letting go. I guess all that I remind you about is the disappointment and you probably wouldn't want anything to do with me already. And since you're more contented with freedom being carefree being accountable to only yourself, all the more I see less hope. I don't want to let go honestly but it's a tough fact to know that all I can do is to look on. And know that there's vaguely any hope in this. It will be hard, it will be. But I will convince myself it is no longer possible. Likewise this wasn’t an easy decision to make. But if you need me, if you need a listening ear or anything sure I'm open I'll be here, that's only if you don't mind. I still love you that's what makes it harder. But in any case, you are definitely the most special person to me the best thing to happen for the past year until a time I know not when. Till now I haven’t a reason why it is you, it just is.
Okay so coming to your post I'm not having a rebuttal but what exactly do you think I am assuming? Why would you think I hate you, or something about you? I do not. And yes through this, it has taught me some bit really. Help me grow. Maybe would help me be a more considerate person. Well it has done some bit of change to me since the start already anyway.
And indeed I did take what you said as excuses. But since you have said those are words from the heart, I’ll take that as it is. Sorry to have doubted you, your words. I know apologising means nothing to you. But it does to me. Thanks for being honest with me. Although this whole thing would be better done on a personal note, like another piece of paper but you're probably fuming you might tear it up so here it is.
I do love, but yeah that's not going to be enough.
Stay happy, Sharon.
I don't like to hear reasons, because I know more often than not they are excuses. Excuses are pathetic, you have to think so hard to give yourself a break from whatever you are facing. And maybe they are lies. Okay fuck this.
My parents like to judge me based on who I was. I mean come on, I've shown you the change but you still want to harp on to the past? Come on people stop judging people by who they were how the used to act, the only reference you should take is now.
I really hope I could be more expressive because it sucks to bottle what I think and feel up and I don't know who to say them to or how. It would be good to put things nicely. Without offending. It would be good to tell that person what you intend to say.
There's something I ought to do as soon as possible. Not my assignments. But actually those assignments are indeed things I should have completed already. Okay I'm going to keep that to myself.
Fuck these.
I think there's a lot of hate and other emotions in me right now. 2:27 AM
Happy New Year everybody.
Fireworks appears during festivities. Looking at it from my window I feel very ... haha I don't know man. Sigh. I thought it would be nice to watch it with somebody I love, right. The crackling makes me think of war actually. Oh well I think I'm sad now hahaha.