Congratulations Derek, you are ill and alone on the last day of the year.
Actually I just don't want to stay out another night again, not this month at least.
I have been down with illnesses and many physical weirdness these few months. Which is uncommon. Fortunately I don't fall into serious sickness.
Okay here's another I-hate paragraph. If you shut up you probably would have that energy to move. Don't order people around please, when you can't do things right. Try learning how to respect people, at the same time if you would like people to respect you, do your thing right. If you spent some brain thinking time instead of complaining and grouching, then things can be done. When we are pressed for time, don't tell me to slow down. It's not that hard to keep up. Just because you are lazy doesn't mean we all have to wait. Or because your leg hurts. My leg hurts too. His leg hurts too. Their legs are injured too. Get your facts right please before you start scolding, not just because you have something against that specific person.
Jonarse told me the blog is here for you to speak whatever you want no restraints nobody can stop you from saying anything on it anyway. I told him if I hated somebody I would tell that person. Actually no, I won't because some people just cannot take it, they can't take negative comments about themselves. I don't shut up because you are right, but because I know you will think you are right, and there's no point. Which makes me think, there are really many issues which I've encountered, I don't rebut. I could, really. Because it's ironic that the argument they have brought up happens to be what they commit do. So I believe, until you can give, don't ask. Selfish pricks.
Okay 2010 coming in approximately 2 hours, fireworks are going to start bursting, people are going to be shouting Happy New Year to each other and everybody is happy. Well, I wish everybody a Happy New Year indeed. To just wash off all bad events that ever happened in the past year. To stay happy or be happier in the new year.
The scrimmage yesterday, it had a satisfiable but non-pleasurable result. In the sense that the score, to us, was quite an nice thing to happen. But the standard of play like what the seniors said, was really not up to expectations. It's quite scary to know that in a few months, we are becoming somewhat seniors of the new intake. But at this moment our level of play is like this? Lao kui. Like a certain senior said we have built up individual skills to a certain extent, but we need to put them to good use together. We have to learn and analyse deeper and keep our emotions in check. We need to be able to manage ourselves and keep calm under pressure. We have to grow together and encourage, not blame. To every of my teammates I wish to tell you I might be hot tempered sometimes, but I'm definitely not angry at any specific person. And if I've shouted at you I'm sorry too. Let's push each other, let's keep growing together all Juniors.
Btw thank you every organiser for the AGM, it definitely wasn't easy having to plan for and to control that many people. Thanks for making the gathering happen. And don't bother about the people who have so much to grouch about.
Okay and dear Hwee Siang looking at you drunk is seriously scary and quite sad. Please don't drink that much leh it's bad for the body. Especially you 酒量 not good one.
Besides that, in the Ulty aspect, I have to thank:
Joel, for taking the lead, being the bad guy haha but at the same time giving important lessons since when you scold, we remember longer.
Rudy, for providing 1-to-1 assistance from when I just started all the way til now.
Hwee, fun-loving person who doesn't scold but we can see when you get pekchek. Thanks for talking to me for a while after a training when I felt like shit. And for trying to provide hugs from time to time.
Josh, my camp leader twice, impart skillz to my group. And that wake up call and frequent tips from the sidelines.
Yup that's it I go check pictures now. 9:48 PM Thursday, December 31, 2009
This year I've gained many friends. Many of whom I became much closer with. Some of whom I remain quite unfamiliar with still. And a few others who I considered to be friends, but right now we aren't exactly anymore. I don't really like to be selective with people I hang around with, although it's inevitable. But at least I think I am not sticking firmly to a specific group. I have to admit though, there are some others I feel more connected with.
I also don't like to be in a group where there's seemingly a leader there, I don't like to have people who loves to have it their way. It's either I stay away, or I defy hahaha.
I hate to walk slowly. Or wait. I don't like big groups too. Because big groups means a lot of waiting. And slow walking. And opinion seeking. And then there wouldn't be a conclusion to let's say, where we want to go. Sometimes it's fine to have no aim and just walk, but most of the times that's quite a stupid thing to do. And while walking aimlessly some people get lost you have to wait for them.
There's a game plus AGM tomorrow. The game we will win. The AGM we will have fun.
Goodnight. 1:48 AM Wednesday, December 30, 2009
This feels weird I'm still don't feel tired after a day and night out. My body is really pretty fucked up. Yesterday I woke up with a horrible headache that made me nauseous all the time. I couldn't walk straights properly, much less when I had to make turns. Turning made my head spin and crack and it was horrible. I walked like worse than a drunk man. Well but activities all the way to the night oddly made me better. No more bad headache anymore. To think I thought rest would be needed to get better. Hm but actually I did, for a short while at Daniel room's floor hahaha something magical about it. And another short while at Semb Park. Okay bloody hell I want to get a cap now I really feel like buying already but whether I would use it much, hmm that's another thing. But no money no talk okay fine.
Okay yesterday night was the bbq/gathering. Sometimes, I don't like barbeques because selfishness surfaces in so many people, I don't like to see it in my friends but what to do right. Elaboration, shall not be provided haha. Hm I don't think anything significant really happened during the bbq. Right, until 11pm when the police came to shoo us.
We had a nightwalk last night, like literally, from Chong Pang to Sembawang Park hahaha damn it I think it's a considerable distance walk until quite sian. And my ankle same thing again haha. Because tauhuay stall closed at 2. And we had nowhere to go so it was decided, the park. When we left Semb Park then I realised wtf we totally didn't prepare to be there for a few hours, like no water no tidbits or what haha. K anyway Hwee sigh got drunk I guess, I thought he was faking it okay he spoke quite a lot of nonsense which was actually pretty funny. K then 6:30 left park take bus no way we were going to walk out. Then that's it, Mac breakfast for them talk cock at the same time. I swear, Jim with his English is good enough to provide you with a good bit of laughter.
I think that is Jim's favourite high-pitched short yet fat auntie on the left. Not sure leh.
My hair and body I think still smells like smoke. My umbrella smells like smoke. I need another bath and then breakfast and then sleep woohoo. Training tomorrow! 8:12 AM Monday, December 28, 2009
Caught this picture from Tabatha's tumblr. As soon as I saw it I was reminded of Flo Rida's Sugar. Okay nothing interesting much, just that the picture literally shows a part of the song's lyric. I think Tumblr is a pretty cool place to surf, not that I just found out hahaha. But I never went exploring around Tumblr, I think I would feel like blogging every thing there is that I see on certain sites there. Other than that, today hasn't been exactly interesting. Woke up earlier than expected, went out in the rain, came home do thing still not done yet because I keep finding other things to do. Hmm well I wonder why I went out in the rain in the first place, because normally, I wouldn't. Well well looking forward to gathering tomorrow night I think it's gonna be fun with the company. ZD AGM too! But then this kind of gathering somehow they play cards, drink, or what. I do neither. Hahaha totally outcast, so I tend to sit by the side watch them play card and laugh for the sake of laughing because they laugh about how good or bad their cards are, but I don't even understand. So if you have a good or bad hand, don't bother to show me, I'll laugh it off but that's just to patronise you. And New Year is coming which means ... it's time for shopping! I need my financial input soon or else cannot buy shit hahaha! K I'm off back to do what I started out to do this afternoon. Gosh my rate of working is horrible.
This Christmas I practically slept half of it away. It doesn't matter much to me, Christmas is just another public holiday which much more people celebrate but I don't which makes me an odd-one-out. Actually as we grow older, or for myself at least, festive seasons doesn't feel festive anymore in fact it feels like nothing.
Meanwhile on the Eve I had my night spent all at Thomson. It's really quite a weird place to hang around during a day of celebration but well, lesson learnt from a year ago, don't go to town it's freaking crowded and messy. Yesterday was quite last minute, unplanned stuff. Didn't know where to head to after one thing. So it's literally 走一步 看一步. Hmm at Thomson other than foodstuff, nothing else much already right. Yes so we hate dinner, went to lan, then had supper there. Other than that there was a lot of waiting in between too. Okay then finally it was to Royston's place supposedly they wanted to drink but Royston your liquor damn high grade I smell also cannot tahan much less drink hahaha. Right btw pictures, if any, all with Royston he brought the 5DMk2 + 24-70 f/2.8 lehhhh freak I super would want that.
This exact setup I think, unless the body is a different one. Bloody hell bloddy hell. Damn expensive I cannot afford one hahaha. Ok so Royston's house by 4:30 most of everyone else slept or went to try to sleep, damn boring. Leaving Andy and myself. Andy with ipod games, me with Youtube. And I was looking at videos of Ulty, the Pilipinas until like ... 6:30. Then somebody buay tahan woke up and want to go home so we all came home. And then I slept.
Okay Edwin you damn loser, you always go off first. Sleep also sleep first. Damn lousy.
Okay Edwin you damn loser, you always go off first. Sleep also sleep first. Damn lousy.
Okay anddd I really hope my best christmas gift comes true.
I was on my desktop PC then I looked right, guess what I found. Damn vintage, a whole box of flag erasers leh! And some cute mini pastry erasers too. I think the oldest flag eraser in that box is like ... more than 10 years old.
Yeah, this kind, just not that white anymore.
Damn damn damn vintage stuff. Come to think of it why did I even collect them in the first place. It's like, I forgot, 1 for 10 cents? Last time small packet of seaweed also 1 for 10 cents. I remember so vividly back in primary school days I had $1.40 of change and I bought 14 packets of seaweed. Then my Dad saw it and he said I was stupid lol, I agree. I also used to buy this stackable crayon thing, then can fix and build into stuff. And after I build for e.g, a spacecraft lookalike kind of thing, I would peddle them to gullible classmates. Then my mom found out, she scolded me, hahaha. Young entrepreneur.
Hmmm I seem to get stupider and more lazy as I grow up. I was like not bad, quite smart in primary school, then I came to Catholic High and started failing subjects all at one go. What I find weird now is, how come I didn't feel disappointed with my performance. I guess it was complacency. The people there are largely smart man, I was one of the minority hahaha stupid one. Took last few level positions every year. I never saw a distinction until Sec 4 leh damn pathetic you know. And then I came to polytechnic it got worse. I never slept in class until I came here hahaha.
Alright yesterday training day, I am damn sorry to whoever I injured never meant it. I got my retribution please, left the field with some weird lower back muscle strain/injury. Anw, I found out what's wrong with my head. When I move or turn, it feels like my head has been left behind 0.5 seconds. So it gets really, pretty confusing. Okay it doesn't exactly feel that way, but to a certain extent yes it does. Damn blur I tell you.
Somethinggggg like what you see on this kind of typical picture which I can't find any better, or more professionally and properly captured ones. Okay I can't imagine how it would be like if I were to be on a roller-coaster right now I'll probably puke myself dehydrated.
Other than an injury that I came home with, I was awarded with a new nickname by PangPang and Hongna. Eh Hongna why you don't have nickname one, or I don't know about it. So btw I'm more often addressed as 小 Lee with my Ulty big bunch of friends. Why 小 right, I'm larger in size than most of them. Although I'm skinny but still ... Ok right so yesterday the new nickname which I doubt is going to last for long anyway hahaha is 小 Gay. 小 again. But I like Bolang's name for me Hi my name is Dick Lee, pleasure to meet you.
Okayyy so music I never listened to music. Whatever hahaha share one song again. From New Moon actually, but I didn't realise the song from New Moon leh. TabbyPatty introduced this artiste to me. Thank you! She has some kind of ... childish yet alluring voice. And mysterious for this one. Ok this is the song I'm listening to now. Ignore the video!
Other than an injury that I came home with, I was awarded with a new nickname by PangPang and Hongna. Eh Hongna why you don't have nickname one, or I don't know about it. So btw I'm more often addressed as 小 Lee with my Ulty big bunch of friends. Why 小 right, I'm larger in size than most of them. Although I'm skinny but still ... Ok right so yesterday the new nickname which I doubt is going to last for long anyway hahaha is 小 Gay. 小 again. But I like Bolang's name for me Hi my name is Dick Lee, pleasure to meet you.
Okayyy so music I never listened to music. Whatever hahaha share one song again. From New Moon actually, but I didn't realise the song from New Moon leh. TabbyPatty introduced this artiste to me. Thank you! She has some kind of ... childish yet alluring voice. And mysterious for this one. Ok this is the song I'm listening to now. Ignore the video!
Well other than this, I like Tonight, Little Bit, and her cover for errrr Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow. One of my links on Facebook actually, find it from there if you have to.
Sometime soon I might make a typical year end post haha.
Sometime soon I might make a typical year end post haha.
That's what Bugis Street is. Yes a freaking maze. I can never figure that place out, thank goodness there are exits all around. I wouldn't want to make that place a hangout for myself the crowd there is impossible, you just can't advance in your path smoothly. I couldn't even see some friends walking pass and ahead of me. To make things worse I've been having this headache, it's not a pain but just like, I lose my sense of orientation so I might walk like a drunk man. And so I hate crowds, they alone give me headaches, but today was like headache plus headspin equals super. Couldn't wait to get out of that place actually hahaha but cannot be a spoilsport right.
Anddd bloody hell we waited about 90 minutes for 3 men to have their hair cut damn long I tell you. At Far East Plaza, nothing for guys to do at all. Especially when I don't have the spending ability at that point of time! Damn pek chek don't know where to go.
Okay and my ankle is really injured but again nobody forced me to go out I did so voluntarily right, cannot be spoilsport again ma. And Leon wanted to walk from Far East to Bugis bloody hell Leon. But eventually we didn't la. Hmm they didn't take much time around Bugis just 2 hours or so but my feet damn pain already hahaha I was so happy when we finally arrived at Raffles Place and got our seats to come back home woohoo. So here I am happy at home, dirty without a bath yet. I am going to forcefully twist my ankle to savour the pain haha.
Training's tomorrow, early morning I gotta sleep early I don't want to oversleep again.
Anddd bloody hell we waited about 90 minutes for 3 men to have their hair cut damn long I tell you. At Far East Plaza, nothing for guys to do at all. Especially when I don't have the spending ability at that point of time! Damn pek chek don't know where to go.
Okay and my ankle is really injured but again nobody forced me to go out I did so voluntarily right, cannot be spoilsport again ma. And Leon wanted to walk from Far East to Bugis bloody hell Leon. But eventually we didn't la. Hmm they didn't take much time around Bugis just 2 hours or so but my feet damn pain already hahaha I was so happy when we finally arrived at Raffles Place and got our seats to come back home woohoo. So here I am happy at home, dirty without a bath yet. I am going to forcefully twist my ankle to savour the pain haha.
Training's tomorrow, early morning I gotta sleep early I don't want to oversleep again.
4th League Sunday, 5th loss.
I've never felt that I put in my everything for the games. I get tired easily, I get demoralized, I am lazy, I don't do what I am supposed to do, be at where I am supposed to be at. I don't have the burst. I find excuses for myself all the time. My ankle has been injured for a month or so, is that supposed to deter from running hard. Come to think of it, I am guilty when I see my teammates putting in so much effort to progress the disc and to make the game better for us. But we cannot rely on them alone.
I want to improve, but everytime on the field I don't seem to be doing things right.
Out of ulty, I have assignments undone left only 2 weeks! But actually I don't know the deadlines. Math, Avionics, Report, CATIA FUCK FUCK FUCK draw aeroplane or some shit with CATIA. Okay just to fill you in it's a computer software which costs about US$30,000 which does 3D drawing and stuff and some guy actually made a Gundam from that software, freak! I wish he was my roommate surely he could do an aeroplane/aerofoil within minutes.
I KNOW SOMEONE WHO WOULD WANK TO THIS!
K yah so I have began listening to music again somehow, limited ones only though. And although I don't see the point of listening to music I don't understand, e.g. Korean songs, I still like some of them. Because I listen probably for the melody? I don't know, some music jargon. I am tempted to get a UM1! I heard it's good, affordable leh. I like sound isolation in-ears. Good things come with hefty price. So I will not consult Eugene or Gabriel because their toys are good and expensive.
And I want to go to Sentosa too my arms, feet and thighs got stupid tanline! The ones on my thighs damn classic.
So my leg looks like that, just that I don't have such super quadriceps. Actually I wouldn't want such disproportioned quads either. Like Eugene said people like that cannot wear skinnies, damn sad you know. I, on the other hand, have un-defined muscles all over my body. In fact I am skinny haha.
K hm today something bad and sad happened it bothers me quite a lot, I can't figure it out but I'm not going to ask you why. But actually, I would like to know why you had to be like that. Ugly as you think it is, you could just bring them home to chuck them aside, I just got them for you since you didn't have any other shoe other than boots to get home in. But well since you think going home in boots is that glamorous then so be it. Since it is an effort gone unappreciated, I will take note I will not dare to try again.
Humans, we shouldn't be cruel. We shouldn't be heartless. We are given a heart for a reason. But well, different humans live differently. I won't ask, won't probe, neither will I ask for anything. I have seen heartlessness, without realisation. What goes around comes around, that's always true. It will come, you don't know when. Perhaps it was my mean character in the past that gave me this retribution. From this chapter of my life, I have learnt quite some bit. It wasn't you who taught me, but you gave me the lessons nevertheless. Different things.
Maybe things will turn out for the better, or worse.
Thanks for taking that ugly side of me, from me. You can keep it.
Well just to share a Korean song which I don't understand as well,
K hm today something bad and sad happened it bothers me quite a lot, I can't figure it out but I'm not going to ask you why. But actually, I would like to know why you had to be like that. Ugly as you think it is, you could just bring them home to chuck them aside, I just got them for you since you didn't have any other shoe other than boots to get home in. But well since you think going home in boots is that glamorous then so be it. Since it is an effort gone unappreciated, I will take note I will not dare to try again.
Humans, we shouldn't be cruel. We shouldn't be heartless. We are given a heart for a reason. But well, different humans live differently. I won't ask, won't probe, neither will I ask for anything. I have seen heartlessness, without realisation. What goes around comes around, that's always true. It will come, you don't know when. Perhaps it was my mean character in the past that gave me this retribution. From this chapter of my life, I have learnt quite some bit. It wasn't you who taught me, but you gave me the lessons nevertheless. Different things.
Maybe things will turn out for the better, or worse.
Thanks for taking that ugly side of me, from me. You can keep it.
Well just to share a Korean song which I don't understand as well,
I don't know what I am doing every day. Don't feel alive. Like a fucking vampire.
I don't feel happy anymore. Happiness is less than momentary. It's no longer real. What's wrong with me, right. Why am I such a sad thing. Why do I pity myself. Why do I feel sorry for myself. I can't let go, I can't move on, don't tell me I will be happier if I let go or learnt to do so.
Very aimless, sad, emo, whatever.
Looking at the cards you wrote, the entries you typed, I feel ... filled with some kind of regret. It shouldn't had become like this. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt or disappoint. I'm sorry.
I cried in my sleep the other night, such a pussy.
Hope nobody reads this.
Don't know what to do with myself. 1:20 AM Saturday, December 19, 2009