D

2011-10-15T14:51:00.000+08:00

I am the problem.

2010-06-20T23:23:00.001+08:00

I have something to say to all of you
but I don't know if I'm in the position to do so.

Summer League is into its second week already.
Lose 1 Win 2 I hope we got lots of wins.

2010-06-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

2010-06-20T23:08:00.003+08:00

2010-06-10T06:02:00.001+08:00

Remember the scene in Ironman 2 when Tony Stark was deep in thoughts with his Stark Expo's fairground kind of thing. Here you go - it will come back to you .

In the first film Tony had a desk to specially cast holograms and even interact with it (how cool is that!) Now in the second film, his whole workshop had the ability to do that.

Halfway through revising I suddenly thought of this, when he had created a holographic representation of whatever was physically on his desk. We know that holographic projectors already exist. But, given that a program can perform a job of reproducing a physical item virtually within mere seconds, it's quite something to think about, isn't it? Yes, I know, it's all fictional. But afterall it's technology. Everything about the movie is technology, it's not like a superpower. So I'm wondering if it can be actually created. Naive, maybe. But just, food for thought. What did I mean by a holographic representation, take a look at the following. CGI, of course, but it's the most apt image I could manage.

Awesome. Suppose you throw in real-time updates of what takes place through a video feed, I can totally imagine it's usefulness already. Military, for example. Actually, truth to be told, I'm not sure if technology like this exists yet. Close, probably.

Meanwhile, on my minor research into Tony's technology, I went on to find out more about possibilities of an Ironman. Doesn't really sound too distant, however at the same time it does as well. Here you go:

I like the idea of this. Not as if I would ever possess it supposing it comes true, though. Just interesting to know that it's humanly possible to achieve. Money, technology, time. Well so, with the infographic above that's a very brief summary of the current standings on research into specific areas.

To end off this post, I am going to make this a very bandwidth exhaustive post.
22 more-than-High Definition movie stills! I ♥ HD!

Clickable!

37, maybe 36 during filming, but woah!

High 5.

Hope you had a good, smooth time scrolling, because it wasn't on my system
and plainly by writing this post my computer had hung several times.

2010-06-09T00:15:00.001+08:00

Somehow or another, I'm so going to catch this!

2010-06-08T14:42:00.003+08:00

You might not care about soccer, but I do not care about you.
Welcome to HLB and just a little publicity, I happen to use Twitter. So if I know you or you know me, come follow okay (superhyperlee). I feel like a whore.

In view of World Cup 2010 (kickoff in 3 days), I don't know what the hell, but these posters are looking good! And if you are really so out of date or disinterested with soccer, at least check out this following video (it's not low quality, by the way). Seriously, you don't have to understand anything about soccer, players or their profiles. Because this advert's cinematography is awesome by itself and you can appreciate it for that! Besides, the individual mini stories are quite catching.

Give it up to Wieden+Kennedy because they are the advertising agency for these!

Speaking of which, NAPFA test greets us this November. Might sound quite distant but in reality it's really close and it's coming soon! It shouldn't be a problem, though, other than fucking chinups. My arms are like 50% bone 25% fat and the remaining isn't of much good for lifting my weight.

AND the weather this week has been very pleasant man! Light drizzles but I don't mind, cool air throughout the day, just a little short of sun. I love rain, man. Oops.

2010-06-08T13:43:00.001+08:00

Seriously.
Hahahahaha.

2010-06-08T13:04:00.002+08:00

White is darn pretty!

2010-06-08T03:26:00.007+08:00

Well,
The new iPhone is finally out. iPhone 4, not 4G.

It was announced just 2 hours ago; instead of studying I was following tweets and live coverage of the Apple WWDC 2010. Mobilecrunch has a clear list of what new or different on this release.

Speaking of which, wow, tech blogs are damn fast. Reminds me of the scene in Transformers 2 where the alien website people were competing to upload first hand news. I think that's like it with these blogs too. Seriously, there are real-time updates of whatever Steve Jobs was talking about, with supporting pictures. Damn fast man.

And I'm a crazy sonofabitch because instead of revising or at least looking at my Statistics book, here I am chasing live feeds and blogging instead.

Update: Apple Web has been updated! Now you can believe it's official. Go to.

Apple is simply too good in marketing and advertising. Their site screams wow to me woooo. Everything looks so clean simple and yummy.

2010-06-07T22:45:00.001+08:00

Ugh,
I'm here and I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.

I need help, Man help.

I know I don't know you,
but I want you so bad.
Hahaha song.

2010-06-06T02:23:00.002+08:00

I get lost, in your eyes
And I feel my spirits rise
And soar like the wind
Is it love that I am in?
I get weak in a glance
Isn't this what's called romance?
And that's what I know
Cause when I'm lost
I can't let go

Exactly.

2010-06-05T02:17:00.006+08:00

HTC Evo on the left, HD2 on the right.
Freaking 4.3" screens, tell me how is that not appealing.
Evo runs on Android, HD2 on WinMo, which pales in comparison to the former.
Bad news, Evo won't hit Singapore shores.
Worse news.
I got not enough money.

2010-06-05T01:58:00.005+08:00

Hi.

I'm (LOL) infatuated with somebody.
Oh my god she is wow.
Incredibly pleasant.
I don't even know how to put it right.

Omg.
Omg.
It's quite stupid that I see her then I don't know what the hell am I doing but hahaha really just looking straight into her wth freakish. But she looked back a number of times woohoo aiyo wth what is this.
I feel ... young and childish again.
Wtf.

Be assertive.
But ...
Sometimes timing is very important.
And you can't really force things to happen or I presume it'll go all stupid
and messed up and that's not what I want.
But I am so out of patience and what can I do, shit!

Omg.

2010-05-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

You are competing with the world.
Everybody is trying to bring you down.
Will you let that happen?

It doesn't matter what you say you want to achieve.
What you can do matters.

You gotta push yourself.

2010-03-31T23:16:00.003+08:00

Interesting eyes.
It's a natural thing. Heterochromia Iridium.

I like eyes. I mean, there's so much to tell from their expressions.
And really, they hardly lie.

2010-03-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

My job sucks.
Having nothing to do can really be worse than doing something. Thankfully, it's only six weeks long and that's just about 3 weeks and a few days more. I don't like the idea of wearing long pants for the whole day, but I have to. Especially when four years in secondary school I have been in olive green shorts (don't ask, school tradition), yeah it's uncomfortable to be in long pants almost everyday. Long olive green pants would look weird.

I miss training like crazy so long no training already hoping for the best when training resumes. In the sense that nothing goes awfully wrong, I do shit things to make myself feel like shit and feel like wasting time. And that is this weekend shiok I love weekends now. Weekends no need to wear long pants! Saturday is the second IVP day please don't let it rain. It rains, we all become more or less immobile. Unless you don't mind getting and being drenched. I wouldn't, but definitely not the camera under rain no freaking way. Rain and I can't move around freely can't take photos freely need assistant to carry umbrella for me. Which is so troublesome, plus my umbrella is so small my shoulders get wet when I walk under the rain. Sort of weird... Whatever it is don't rain please don't rain at least not Friday not Saturday.

And then NUS some competition thing damn it I think taking part is ... no words to comment. Go there, there is hardly any chance of winning. I really believe so... But ten bucks only it is, doesn't matter much, rather than regretting on that day itself why why why did I decide not to play.

Yah I know very boring post but life has been just work, what else. Weekend highlights - IVP - photos are already on FB no need for them to be here right.

2010-03-17T23:13:00.002+08:00

Few weeks ago WL teammate brought a packet of this back for us when she went to the States but because scared paiseh so I took only two. Peanut butter cups la. I don't like peanut butter but wah shiok leh must try. I didn't know what they were called the few weeks ago so I couldn't look for them. Now I found some of these at home at this time I am happy hahaha I am in bed with a container filled with chocolates and it's all damn nice! I don't usually eat chocolates but when I do I spam and I am going to claim this container it's mine shiok ah. Work is damn boring la always got nothing to do one and so called colleagues there's a generation gap here cannot communicate la sian I want to sleep already SPU bonding night tomorrow not too hopeful about its activities okay good night see you when I see you.

2010-03-16T22:43:00.002+08:00

Fucking hell tonight I am damn angry. I don't know at what, what for, why. Just fucking angry angry angry.

2010-03-12T23:21:00.002+08:00

A clock many should have.
It won't actually work because well it's easy to see that it is only pointing to two minutes ahead and two minutes can't help much when people who will need this are obviously going to take much more than merely two minutes. Two minutes is nothing nobody gives shit about two minutes but it's a pretty innovative design anyway to remind people, at the very least, not to be late. I don't really like people being late too although ironically I am often late for class for appointments for meetings not ridiculous timings, just within 5 minutes or so. But waiting sucks and I hate waiting most of the time. Like waiting for time to pass that's the worst because I am experiencing it every working day and it's crazy it's crazy it's crazy because time passes so slowly that it seems like it is not even moving, or really too slowly. And it makes my day pointless it wastes my time, although I don't do much good with my time either but I could be happy doing what I want to do with that time instead of having to sit there with nothing doing nothing.

Weeks pass fast, hours pass slow.
Months pass fast, weeks pass slow.
Years pass fast, months pass slow.

Ironic yes but it happens.
I am so elated it's the weekend already and it feels as if I just started attachment. Actually I did just start but it has been a week but thinking about it doesn't feel like a week. But heck I am glad a week is over and that's five weeks more five weeks left. Happy it's the weekend it's filled with ultimate and lots of it I look forward to tomorrow and I hope it is good. I don't want to feel like shit for a day because I will feel like shit if I play like shit and I don't want my day to go to waste. Every free day is so fucking precious. This sounds probably like exaggeration, it is but I don't care. Two whole days of ultimate two long hot tiring awesome joyous days what the heck.

I am tired and I am hungry but I am more tired than hungry.
I love eyes beautiful clear eyes.
I think I am developing a fucking belly that freaks me out not really.

2010-03-11T21:56:00.003+08:00

Each day of work is little more than 9 hours.
I have been reporting to work for four days.
The amount of work adds up to at best, I'm not sure, twelve hours.
It has been exasperatingly boring, slow, and cold.
When there's nothing to do, we sit there and wait for something to do.
Under the aircon unit.
Freezing.
And when there's nothing to do, time drags.
And when there's something to do, it doesn't take much time.
They didn't plan for anything for us actually and whatever our supervisor gives us, he thinks it would consume much of our time but apparently not so. Talk about supervisor, my supervisor comes in later, leaves earlier. Just slightly earlier. And he disappears most of the hours and we have nothing to do because we are a bunch of efficient people and whatever he has for us to do is done quick, before he returns and when he returns he is shocked because we were not expected to have it done and he has nothing else for us.

So where am I attached to actually.
Wincor Nixdorf.
If you've never heard of it, it's okay. I didn't know what was it too.
But it's a huge company really huge.
But its products are likely to be found at many places.
Fairprice Metro Carrefour ColdStorage ShopandSave blah blah.
Citibank Maybank StandardCharteredBank RoyalBankofScotland blah blah.
They do many different things.
I am assigned to a Banking section. So now I know how to strip certain ATMs. As well as conduct certain repair works on certain parts of certain ATMs. And I will learn how to assemble or something I don't know what in weeks to come.
My supervisor is a lazy man he will take his bloody own sweet time.

And my days are really boring:
Wake up.
Go work.
Come back.
Hardcourt ultimate I love this part of my day I love it.
Dinner.
Computer.
Sleep.
Repeat.
And each morning I don't dread waking up, because I know it's only six weeks. But each morning I wake up and it feels weird because I know it's going to be a long boring slow cold day again. I'm at the sleep part of the day so tata.

2010-03-08T05:04:00.004+08:00

I slept for the whole on Sunday because
I didn't sleep at all for the whole of Saturday
That leaves me with too much sleep for now and I can't sleep anymore
ITP starts later
Hahaha I don't want to sleep on my first day at work
Still contemplating my route to workplace
Supposed to wake up 40 minutes later so that means no point going back to bed
Hope there's nothing to do for today so I can leave on time, but what time is on time?
I want to go RP for scrimmage
I am feeling extremely hungry for trainings lately
But there isn't training to go for
What route to take?

2010-03-05T15:15:00.004+08:00

Ha this is damn cute! Dogs ftw but no dogs allowed in my household booo. But it's actually only my mom opposing that idea I think. She must be afraid of dogs but want to save face so don't say only. Okay sian last 3 days before work attachment, shit, and my liaison officer haven't even heard from them. So basically I have absolutely no clue what will be happening. But I just hope wherever I'm going to be at, there is aircon there because the weather nowadays is really just impossible I am not trying to be a wuss but really super perspiration inducing hotness it is. And now I miss trainings. Like how long without trainings with SPU already and that will have to wait until after IVP, I guess? Actually no that will have to wait until the next semester starts darn it. Once per week of training doesn't sound enough...

2010-03-02T16:54:00.001+08:00

Not anymore.
No more.
:D

2010-03-02T06:11:00.003+08:00

My cheap cheap laptop has managed to stay alive for 40 hours and counting. To top it off, it is not showing signs of slowing down, lags, overheating and definitely far away from hitting a BSOD. Awesome. I mean, as compared to certain A-ahem-cer laptops, yeah it's certainly good enough. Bloody hell the stupid MSDN download failed on me twice. First time, download incomplete. Second time, downloaded file corrupted. And each download takes about 12 hours or so I don't know why it's so slow with me. Okay it's the last morning of studying and the last day of Year 2, I hope really it's the last I don't want to repeat any module. ITP is coming soon and I already know my placement. I sort of have some regrets for not submitting the application for China because of some reason which isn't even important anymore. But well never mind I'm going to a huge corporation, though irrelevant to my course of study. There are benefits of staying local anyway at least my parents don't have to fork out money to send me over and I get paid here and they can't say shit about spending 2k plus on me. And before that, I'm going to have fun this week! And it starts this afternoon hoooray. While wasting time the past few days I thought about stuff and I feel happy and good about myself now. As in, the person I am now. Which is more or less how I was last year? Maybe minus a few bad traits. I don't know what I am talking about already, gosh. Going to continue with memorising and that's all for now, goodbye I'll come back soon.

2010-03-02T00:09:00.003+08:00

Viral video!

Make yours!

2010-03-01T02:54:00.001+08:00

2010-02-27T02:10:00.005+08:00

I am sure many of you have seen this rotating woman illusion before. Well, if you haven't, basically the image in the centre of the following shows you a woman rotating on one of her legs, that's pretty darn obvious. But in which direction is she rotating in, that's the question here. For myself I see her moving in a clockwise motion.

So I just reformatted the computer, and I am so happy I managed to clear so much free space hahaha! School partitioned our drive and 80GB of one drive was actually unused since ... I screwed up the dual boot system on my computer and have never been able to get into that 80GB since more than 18 months ago. And so after reformatting I was saving passwords into Firefox, and I happened to login to my Twitter account. That account is maybe, coming close to a year old? But so far I have only two tweets there. Well anyway, the link to the image above was discovered from this TweetSG thing and I don't know how Twitter really works all I know is you type a sentence or two and post it that's it so don't mind me if I sound so clueless. K right I never saw the woman moving anti-clockwise before. Even when I did, after a second my eyes see the opposite motion. So kudos to the smart guy who drew lines. Wow this post is horribly lame.

2010-02-26T09:16:00.000+08:00

Retarded is the word for false eyelashes.
I don't know if you support them but I don't. Of course I'm a guy, I don't.
I mean, they don't even look good. But the point of accessories like these is to help enhance how you look, isn't it? Furthermore, it's so easy to spot plastic eyelashes. Okay heck going to sleep, bye. 6pm faster come please but I think I will exit the examination room by 5 anyway.

2010-02-26T06:59:00.003+08:00

I can't wait for Friday to be over.

2010-02-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

This stupid download is taking damn long it has been stuck at 52% for close to an hour and I wonder if it's actually moving. Or if the downloading program has hung. Don't worry, this is a legitimate download not in support of piracy. Good time to clean up the PC and that's by removing everything from it. At least that's what I think? Hopefully the computer will run even faster. That's what people normally say after upgrading to a new operating system but that's of course because your computer is virtually empty, other than the OS of course. Nothing to slow the system as compared to before of course it's faster. Ok right I really don't want to study electronics already I mean, I still don't know anything, but I don't want to study for it either. Need fooood.

2010-02-24T00:22:00.006+08:00

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.

This is honestly brilliant. The scriptwriter is awesomely brilliant. As you would have expected, I don't really understand much of this monologue. But if you've watched the movie (which I will expose the title later on), you will definitely remember this. The movie itself is a masterpiece. And I am blogging about an old movie again please don't mind me. This one was released in 2005.

Okay title is V for Vendetta. Channel 5 broadcasted it once I think, but much of it was cut off. Huge disappointment ah the Singapore media. But then it's not their fault they are just staying out of trouble. So let's blame the MDA. No point getting a DVD it will be majorly censored too. Good thing there's the internet for us and from the internet there are many places to get stuff haha.

And above is the scene with the 126-word long introduction speech. Gee great presentation. Weaving did a great job here. You know the guy who acted as the bad guy in Matrix. Agent Smith. Yeah I actually remembered him as Dr. Smurf until I googled. Damn good go find and watch!

2010-02-23T17:43:00.002+08:00

More birds more luck.

2010-02-23T02:39:00.016+08:00

Who am I talking to actually.
Darn I realised I've been blogging making entries quite a few in a day, on some days.
But now I feel like I've been typing everything for myself, haha.

2010-02-22T23:02:00.005+08:00

I think we have seen many blogs with entries describing the writer's day, everyday.
If I were to do one like that, somewhat elaborately but not really, my everyday goes like this:

I heard the alarm clock.
I whacked the alarm clock.
I waited for my cellphone's alarm.
I felt the vibration under my pillow.
I pressed snooze.
I felt the vibration under my pillow again.
Snooze again.
Vibration yet again.
I disabled the alarm.
5 more minutes.
I opened my eyes to see the time on my phone.
Holy freaking shit.

I grabbed my berms, underwear and towel.
Toilet time no elaboration needed.
I sat in front of the fan to dry my hair.
Went to the kitchen to have my breakfast.
Threw on my shirt.
Picked up my bag.
Slipped into my shoes. Or slippers.
Walked out of the door.

Okay I'm getting sick of this, so are you, right.

Pressed the button for the lift.
Down.
Walked and overtook everybody else to the station.
Waited for the train.
Saw people whom I overtook arrive at the platform.
Wtf feel damn stupid.

Train came.
Ya you know what happens after you board the train, you wait for time to pass.

Alighted from the train.
Tap my card.
Walk to class.
icn02c91je19pom
pqncn13-j3k0k1c
I'M SICK OF TYPING.

Tata.

2010-02-22T22:28:00.007+08:00

Okay it's Aircraft Electrical and Instrument Systems time and I only managed to read 5 pages of the chapter 1, and I couldn't bear to continue. Nobody likes it. Everybody detests it. Less than a third of the cohort turns up for lectures. I went to the last lecture with hope that he will provide hints tips and whatnot. But no he is a fucktard I hope he reads this but don't find out who I am. Fuck you Danny! All this lecturer did was to tell us whether the questions he went through were the same as previous ones, or if they came from tutorials. It's not useful man how many of us actually read anything related to this freaking fucked up fucking module. Initially I was planning to start early (just 2 days actually, it's really late by now) for this module but hahaha I think it's not going to work because 5 pages and I'm gone. Without even getting anything. And 5 pages is just like a hundredth multiplied by half of the whole book or something. I swear I hate electrical but I got to give it to electrical students. Mechanical ftw, electrical fyou. Just referring to the modules don't get sensitive here.

I don't know if this is relevant to whatever I'm going to read up on but why would this :

Why would anything like this interest anybody. If it does to you, then ... okay moving on, it looks familiar. Seems like I've seen it in lectures and I hope there is no need to understand this in detail. But something tells me otherwise. This could be just one of the many I'm supposed to know?

Okay I'm fucked.

2010-02-22T03:02:00.005+08:00

I tilted my head backwards and I saw, wow,
the ceiling lamp is really near.

kthxbai

2010-02-22T00:19:00.003+08:00

I don't like masks.
Masks are scary.

Okay seriously I need to shut the computer off. I lack self-discipline but despite knowing that, I don't force myself to do much about it. I need to get back to Math. Good bye. My computer is staying on. Back soon. Like after I'm done with Math. But it's not possible to be done with it. I am so far behind I can only manage to catch up as much as possible until it's time to sleep. I can't go for the paper without sleep or the brain will be empty and all my efforts would have gone to waste. I'm a study freak. I am a nerd. I love books. I love my calculator. I love my paper pen pencil and eraser. Nabei some country up North still shooting fireworks and I can hear it. I wouldn't mind if I could see it but no I can't all I hear is boom crack boom boom bloody hell it's irritating. I'm gonna blast songs and wait for neighbours to complain and have the police come to my door. Just kidding. Okay fuck 11 minutes gone bye.

2010-02-21T05:31:00.000+08:00

2010-02-20T23:14:00.009+08:00

Headache and Maths
is really no good a combination.

2010-02-20T04:18:00.004+08:00

120 from 8 Crayolas.

2010-02-20T03:46:00.013+08:00

"There’s something truly appealing about
seeing every last little piece of a car deconstructed and laid out neatly."

True, true. I don't know nuts about cars. But these are a beauty to look at.

2010-02-20T01:41:00.010+08:00

Hahaha die I don't think 2 days is enough to prepare myself sufficiently for Math. Especially when the weekends are not unoccupied at all. Furthermore, I have no idea how to get started. When there's no time to practice, I will have to count on memory. Pretty stupid because nobody memorises Math, probably other than me. Actually no not really it's just the methodology for questions. Afterall, questions they set don't get any different. Unless they do.

Then to make things worse I have been distracted by this game on Facebook which a few other fellows started playing a couple days back. I haven't found a FB game for a long time to occupy myself with. Bad time, man. And I realise there is at least a day's gap in between papers oh man I am quite relieved by that. It won't help much, but definitely is consoling news.

(Removed because the sounds is darn irritating

but if you want it you can have it here. Or 'Aircraft Madness 2' on FB)

Let it load, it's supposed to be fast.

Horrible, left with so much to study. Information about AEIS in my brain stands at zero and won't deviate much from there up to the point of sitting for the paper. ACC, more or less 10%. HAHA. So in other words, screwed! I am always screwed during tests and exams because I am never prepared. Or sometimes I spent too much time somewhere, thereby neglecting the other subjects. In this case, Mechanics. It's a Credit 5 module theoretically it should deserve 25% more effort as compared to other modules worth 4 credit values. And calculations are the only kind of questions to score full marks in. Tutorial 6 and 7 damn hard I keep getting stuck!

I very very much hate the start when I get to each topic because starting is the hardest since I am practically starting from nothing. I hate electronics-related modules too. K bye.

2010-02-16T03:33:00.002+08:00

Well I shouldn't be here ...

But this just came into my mind. Really suddenly.
A movie.
Title is The Guardian. It is undeniably awesome.

If you haven't watched it, please do. Find some way. Or if you have, and you have spare time, you might want to rewatch it. I don't know what the heck I am saying all these for but hey it's really good. And if I could I would watch it again right now. I think I've seen it four times at least. It's non-crappy, touching, and whatever else. Talk about study, I've finally got my sorry ass moving! Bye back to the calculations!

2010-02-15T03:59:00.003+08:00

CNY, but I don't care.
Because I'm supposed to be preparing for exams.

But I don't care about preparation as well.

I have been lying on my bed practically doing nothing. I have wasted 4 hours since I thought I wanted to start studying at 12. And then I wonder what was it that occupied me for these 4 hours. What the fuck. I've had so much time to study or at least, get started but so far I've only read about 5 pages worth of nothing because 1, I know those stuff already, and 2, nothing was registered into the brain. The indifference in attitude is returning. And it's not a good time to start/continue now either. Full of shit I'm full of these excuses for myself.

Some kind of CNY this is, it doesn't feel any different from an average weekend. Just that there are more snacks at home. My angpao count stands at zero. That's not the point either. And then Valentines' too. Which has been overshadowed by CNY. I don't even know what this day is for, much less the reason for celebration? Wiki says to celebrate romance or something, so ... nah not a concern too.

2010-02-08T02:37:00.007+08:00

Meanwhile, it's time to focus and move on. If you don't care about your kind of lifestyle, then I won't be bothered by it. Live your life. It's something you always wanted me to do. I was never meant to be in your life anyway. Move on, move on, move on. You are always the perfect one, and I am not good enough. Never will be. Sorry.

And that quote, which I quite like (enough for me to put in this entry), is by Gabriel who is currently at Tekong and unfortunately I haven't met him before going in. I haven't met any of those usual people before they went in. But I am positive all of them will stand out from the rest. Those guys are awesome. And Gabriel based on my impression he is just the man for military shit. Eugene is in Tekong too and he went online a few hours ago! Guess what, according to him, they issued this new batch of recruits one laptop each. Of course they have to return the laptops after the BMT phase, but still, damn amazing! I saw a friend's pictures posted on Fb with his shaved head and then falling in with strangers I bet it feels quite weird. Just like the first day of school. This friend (Marcus Teo) used to be my NCC mate and even he can't deny he was a bigass slacker then. Makes me wonder actually what's it going to be like for him in the real deal. Not skeptical, just curious.

I don't really look forward to the future, especially after getting out to be part of the workforce. Frankly speaking I've never worked as an employee in my life, so I don't know what it's like. But for sure, staying in school can't be worse than work. I doubt it's even close.

This afternoon I totally felt like I lost stamina, but then again there wasn't a feeling to play too. Could be due to me missing two trainings consecutively (WHOOOPS), which I will make a point to NOT have it happen again. Speaking of which, Sat's was because I went for the Airshow and what left the deepest impression on me ... was the freaking weather that day! The whole place was an open area, scarcely sheltered, deprived of dense clouds which would be of much help, and strong winds which were hot! Almost everybody who left the show seemed scalded. Okay that's exaggerating but they were mostly burnt and pink. With the exception of tanned people like myself remaining brown. I thought I wasn't burnt, evidently my skin stings a little now.

OH IT'S 315AM GOT TO WAKE UP 3.25 HOURS LATER BUT I DON'T CARE.

Continuing,

Yes so you know the sun wears people down. Plus the exhibition ground was a whole huge area to walk around. That combined with the power of the sun resulted in a somewhat tiring experience by a few hours. Let's talk about the static display. Actually I prefer military service aircrafts, for the obvious reason that they look better. And in some sense, performance-wise too. Besttttt pick - F35 Lightning 2. Visually lip-smacking appetising, great performance, extensively researched Vertical Takeoff & Landing (VTOL) technology which is somewhat still a novelty for me.

Inauguration

Powerplant (The VTOL magic!)

Cockpit. Freaking prestigious to sit in one of those (unless you queued up at the Airshow and managed to get into it)

And finally what only the layman can appreciate.

It just looks simply awesome delicious in front of my eyes woohoo and I managed to get my hands on it, literally (unauthorised)! Okay information is all over the web right. It appeared in Die Hard 4.0 eh, short but good scene.

This is not ending yet.

So then the next highlight, aerial display. It was INTERESTING for the first 15 minutes or so. Special mention was the combo performance of the F-16 and AH-64 (Apache, as it is better known). And then of course, favourite moment.

Picture belongs to stupid Matthew, posted without permission but he wouldn't say a thing about it anyway. Low speed flight by F-16 in accordance to speed of Apache, both crafts were flying in really tight formation. Low speed flight was what I liked, but the Apache helped somewhat in decorating the sky at the same time I don't know man can't describe it was damn good. Just for this one. I can't possibly describe every thing right. And then after that the whole show was boring already.

I like the A-10 too for its maneuverability.

And it looks good too!

Oh I must say clouds were good in the later later later part of the day.
White fluffy pretty with a good blue sky.

Okay so HOW MANY OF YOU JUST SCROLLED DOWN, STOPPED AT PICTURES, THEN SCROLLED DOWN AGAIN JUST TO FIND THE END OF THIS ENTRY.

2010-01-28T23:08:00.002+08:00

It was a stupid dream
but I was still afraid that the answer would be what I didn't want to know.

2010-01-27T00:57:00.003+08:00

I think that
I don't want to truly care for anybody again.

Today I have been exasperatingly unproductive with my report. Made it a point to come back really early, immediately after school so that I could carry on with it. But I can never do work proper before it's 12am at home. It has to be completely quiet. There should be nobody coming to disturb. No vehicles on the roads with the exception of some stupid idiots revving their engines loud enough for the whole neighbourhood. I have not been able to organise my thoughts today, making it really bad when there is a report to be done. It's like I sort of know what to do, but I can't get my mind to be in a right state and I am messed up over and over again whenever I try to think. And then I get stuck and become unable to continue. Darn it I don't like this.

Well the ache on my back has now evolved and is evenly distributed on both sides, but the pain less intense. On a positive note, I won't be limping already because it used to hurt only on one side.

And after all these projects are due, it's about two weeks left until the exams. I'm quite worried for two modules because one of them I totally understand zero percent. More like I haven't read up on it. And the other, it doesn't have a decent passing rate from past records as mentioned by lecturers themselves. I can't afford to let the GPA slip in fact it has to go even higher and better. Studying will be fun, in a couple week's time. And after exams comes the break, after the break comes the new academic year. Which wouldn't be an easy year there's FYP, should be challenging to achieve distinction!

Well time flies fast. Just unhappy times doesn't.

Although I mentioned that it is late into the night that is more conducive for lecturing myself, it's ironic because I will still fall asleep on the study desk amidst my endeavor on conquering the module and its related jargon. Last semester was different I had aid to help keep me awake. If I don't turn nocturnal a week before exams then that's it I would be pretty much a goner with my results. I was awfully lucky with MST papers, I couldn't take it and I slept and thank god or whatever thing that the questions turned out to be familiar. And come to think of it, MSTs doesn't sound like a thing too distant away it sounds recent.

I would like to develop solid defined toned legs and especially, calves! I think it's damn nice, although many thinks it's scary and freaky looking. This set of calves looks damn awesome. Besides that, nice tan!

But looking at the footwear it supposedly belongs to a female, damn it. Unless this is some kind of masculine cross-dresser, then he's a freak.

And that's it, since this night isn't productive I'll go stock up on sleep time.

2010-01-25T02:34:00.002+08:00

I guess what people want sometimes is the attention.
Just the amount of it a lot or a little.

2010-01-25T00:14:00.003+08:00

Right so I googled 'yawn' for images and why is it that so many of them are pictures of babies? They don't really look that adorable to me when yawning actually. Damn I'm sleepy but no I don't have the feeling for bed yet, like, if I were to try to sleep now I would definitely roll. There's AEIS assignment, although deadline is probably half a month or so away but I was supposed to have my part done by yesterday night and no it's not done. What the heck am I doing. I keep telling myself I have to do it I have to. Go home and do it. Nothing else. But NO I DIDN'T DO IT DAMN IT. Damn stupid damn stupid. Okay besides that, pathetic turnout for league today. On the brighter side of this is that yes there's more game time. And because there's more game time I made more mistakes. :( :( :( Silly mistakes like releasing the disc too high especially. But I still like today because we did more by ourselves and not relying on key players. But whatever I'm just looking for stuff to talk about really. These few days haven't been interesting. Everything worth talking about isn't anything positive so let's skip that. And by doing so I have nothing else to talk about so this marks the end of this short lousy update goodbye! Oh ya somebody if you have a routine to improve on speed do let me know?

2010-01-21T00:42:00.002+08:00

'Happy Birthday' comes across as ironic to me. As far as I can remember, there hasn't been any remotely happy one. Or it could be that I only store the negative stuff. Right although mine's far away but I don't know what triggered this thought either it came pretty suddenly. It should be an easier day to pass if I forgot the date. There are promises sometimes that you don't want to witness being broken. Or probably just having the simplest expectations. But on this day disappointment tends to be magnified and it will be etched deep into your mind.

This thought doesn't contribute to why Wednesday was a bad day.
Btw, get out of that sun until you're completely well again. The field won't run away.

2010-01-20T20:15:00.015+08:00

Today sucked.

But Happy Birthday Joan.

2010-01-19T04:33:00.003+08:00

I would wish to shut myself out.
From realities.

I don't want to know
whatever I know already.

I don't like to know
that these are going to happen.

I don't want things
to remain the way they are.

But nothing will change anyway.

I can never believe how I feel.
Or how I became like this.

2010-01-18T23:32:00.004+08:00

I don't want to go to school. The journey is long and my bag isn't exactly very light. I already can't stand up straight and then there's still the bag to pull me down. Plus, there is a need to bring the laptop to school. Though it's small and pretty light for a laptop, it's still a considerable weight. I don't even want to walk to the kitchen, what more having to go to school and walk around. My mom says I shouldn't be sitting when I'm having a backache but that's exactly what I will be doing in school the whole day! Coming to the laptop thing, there's presentation tomorrow and the groups will be randomly selected for it and I am not exactly prepared. So that means my groupmates have not seen the light of it yet. So that means on the whole, we are hardly prepared. I don't want to move I don't want to go to school I don't want to do my presentation. On my way to school I experienced a near blackout on the train it was quite interesting, though scary. I had my earphones plugged in and then slowly the music was diminishing there was no sound eventually. Then everything really became a blur. Then it felt like I had loose bowels and they were racing to be purged from the body. And then I broke out in cold sweat. Then my knees went weak. Then the Indian guy in front of me was staring at me but I can't be bothered because I was afraid I would faint. So I got out had a sit and went home hahaha shit damn loser. Just two stops away from school but I went home instead.

You see, do presentation need to have a lot of visual aids one and it's not that simple to just look for any picture. Relevance and quality is important! And then, composition of image and words. Not just a plethora of words and nobody would be interested in looking at it. Aiya crap I am wasting time here. Because I really have no mood to do it. Ah shit man. Halp. Catholic High is not gay.

2010-01-17T21:54:00.010+08:00

Oh yeah I love one word replies.
That I can't reply to.
Too darn awesome.

Don't tell me my replies kills continuation most of the time because really how true is that statement. Especially not when you do that too. Or probably even better than me at that. I hate it. You're the only person I want to and will talk to but no thanks for providing that element of challenge. Don't tell me I have to put in the effort. Still it will end up with shit replies. Yeah the guy has to initiate initiate initiate and meet things like this bear with it. And so it will still be my fault.

Fuck no I'm not in a position to ask for anything so this shouldn't be much of an issue to you.

2010-01-17T18:11:00.002+08:00

Bad back. Yes another picture in attempt to make this entry less boring looking. Very accurately this picture depicts what I am experiencing, at that exact spot. I want massage. Previously it was my lower right back, now it's the left. Wth taking turns. It's damn freaking uncomfortable I can't walk fast, can't run, neither can I bend down. It hurts when I rest my weight on my left leg. I think I can attribute this to much of the torso rotating yesterday while throwing. Well they say want to throw far, involve your body too so I did ... So this could be a result of yesterday's throwing. But the pain only came mid-game just now. I hate to have a game with injuries because I know, can hardly perform. I don't like to play not to my fullest. I played horrible. So that sucks. Injuries suck. It is damn pain.

2010-01-17T00:16:00.002+08:00

Happy today. I learnt two new things. Of which I can only remember one... I have been trying to recall what's the second thing, I can't and it is irritating so I am not going to think about it already. But I learnt today! And the item which I can remember - a huck. Yes yay I managed some hucking today. Never been able to do that since I started and today marks my first! I'm pretty excited to try it in the field see how it works out in a proper game field as well as in game and under pressure. Want to see how well or bad it turns out, but I don't think it should be too bad. Ironically it wasn't training time when I attempted it but 5 hours or so after training ended at the hardcourt woohoo I like to know I can do it and I can! For this I got to indirectly thank Henry Qinyi Dave Brendon because we were talking while lepaking after training, and we digress and digress then finally I talked about backhand grips and yay we went to the hardcourt to try it out. Yipeee! Hahaha yipee is gay right whatever lah. I'm quite pleased with my distance and target hitting for today although I was going more for distance. But that's only for backhand, my forehand is WTF it can't really go far. I want to identify the problem with it. Gam xia Brendon for practicing with me hahaha he's my best prac-throw buddy. (Y)

I got to specially mention Dave he gave me much laughter today. Very dead in the morning and extremely talkative and hilarious in the afternoon. I swear, 3 hours plus of talk cock sing song with them and Dave was majorly the person talking and he was damn funny and gay at times, but that's okay HAHA no I'm not gay or in love with him. Everything mentioned during lepak sessions like this are usually classified and there is no exception to this one so ... nothing he said that I can talk about but his words plus actions makes a super dosage of laugh.

Sadly Rachel no I don't really like short posts. Well since it's not often that I make an update anyway so too bad for you this is my blog I happy I want to make my entry like this lehhh.

Coming back to today. There were plans for tauhuay then since we were at the hardcourt and some people came over while waiting for the others we decided to join in as well. With the exception of Qinyi pangseh kia leh. So at tauhuay I was sitting across 1 insanely loud insane girl Janessa, with Erjie and Yanching la they are damn capable of making a din. Okay it's not like I just found out or nobody knew that. Janessa stole two heads of my fried dough fritters and I love my dough fritter heads ughhh never mind! In the meantime we had some kind of a ... fake heated discussion where this young girl was trying to outwit me (which is hardly possible). Apparently our discussion raised some attention hahaha it must be interesting to see her getting pwned. K other than that I guess that's my highlight of tauhuay today hahaha.

Actually, I don't know why I have that picture above in this post. It's hardly related because ... he's actually mid-layout-ing and not relevant in terms of content. But just talking about that picture, it's pretty much an interesting viewpoint. Afterall you don't have moments frozen like this right in your face. Besides that I feel the subjects are rather interestingly placed. If this is not staged I have to say you would need some luck for this shot. Not forgetting experience of course. And important in my opinion, gear! Aiya digressed already I was trying to say actually because my posts are damn wordy so I try to salvage my blog a little I hope so that my bored readers, you, won't feel so gang kor reading such long text. But then again here I go again this is my blog hahaha I happy lehhh!

Not stopping yet.

Main event for the week was actually IVP team selections. For myself honestly I didn't really expect much. So they say don't hope for too much or it will be a painful fall. Or something like that right I can't even google that idiom out! The sad truth is I didn't make it lah. Now I suddenly got no comments to this hahaha. Okay I wasn't badly disappointed it feels weird not to be actually. I was sleeping before looking at the results, and after having seen it I tried to get back to sleep but I couldn't actually. Aiya I don't want to talk about this anymore can't continue.

I can't stand it when there's a project to be done and I have no idea what I should no. Not in the sense that I don't know what to do, but how to do. Like I can't organise my thoughts and put them into actions. I must work with order. And neatness. Ahh powerpoint is my supposed to be my forte and there's one supposedly due Tuesday but I can't think what should be added to the project whatttt! At the same time my mind is too lazy to bother about it. I can't fucking split my videos to add to the powerpoint and that's a headache. Don't tell me it's just using Windows Movie Maker to split what's so difficult about it. I am encoutering a problem with it! I can't do shit with the split file! My original file is a video file without audio. Format is .avi. After splitting the second part just goes black I can't do anything! Ahhh anybody has solution please.

Huck pull huck pullllllll I want to try it again and use it.

2010-01-10T22:07:00.002+08:00

Today's league was two more wins. It felt really great today on the field, like I had too much energy to spend and to keep running hard. But then I don't really know what to feel for the games because I made so stupid mistakes I practically threw away discs and twice in front of the endzone. It felt really like super shit when I see myself put shit disc and then my teammate had to chase for it but because I put it so much like shit they didn't. Looking at people do mistakes similar mistakes makes me very arghhh but then, cannot comment much I'm also like this.

When I see teammates score, I don't really feel much but happy for the team. I know some people would be grouching why wasn't it them, why didn't anybody put it to them. I feel happier to help the team in progressing but of course, scoring is the final touch to it. I like to go in and help. I sort of liked the way I played my defense today although it wasn't the best I could manage. But then woah super energetic I super love that feeling run run run.

Though I have been stagnant for a long time I do hope I am improving that one not up to me to say. From the start of my voyage through ultimate I have to thank a few people specifically, although I might have done this in my last post of 2009 but whatever la this is my blog hahaha so they are Rudy Joel Sharon Hwee Josh Jim. And although Jim talk very jiao but I know it's 出自一片好心 sounds weird but yah just that he make it sound wtf. Sorry I fierce to you just now don't mind me I was very very dulan just now. And the rest for being patient to answer questions when I ask, as well as for teaching me. Plus for telling me when I do wrong. I remember it was Wanyu followed by Xindi who taught me how to throw a disc hahaha my first training day, at the stadium. And we didn't do much that day but my whole body ache like shit. And it feels like I've ever blogged about this have I?

Okay TapTap very fun but I don't have the machine to play them at will so sian. Hahaha I know I'm damn slow now version what already right. But games like DJmax, Guitar Hero I can't really play them I'll keep missing the notes. And my stomach got problem lah I keep wanting to shit but when I go it's either I only fart or only got a few drops plok but my stomach still pain wtf lah sorry disgusting heh heh.

I'm gonna put myself to improve, level by level getting my primary objectives achieved first.

2010-01-09T00:34:00.003+08:00

I have nothing to blog about but I cannot make my blog stagnant again but in fact I feel like blogging but I have nothing to blog about! And then the space for entries is so large, a few sentences isn't going to do the job. Okayyyy so ... nothing leh. Thursday training I missed half of it I was in the computer lab looking at them I was having the window seat hahaha and damn it I wanted to go down so bad, because they were doing the drill and I wanted to do it. Especially mushroom drill, I like. So after I went down with vegeboy it was a change of drill, then scrimmage woohoo damn hiong. I have never ever ran so long in a scrimmage for so many points either. But okay, there's always a first. Hm I'm not going to comment on training. My legs were, no, make it are. My legs are loaded with lactic acid. I prefer my old boots, got more feeling to it. Okay sorry, boring post. I type until like that I don't feel like continuing anymore so I will end bye!

2010-01-06T01:51:00.002+08:00

Happy 6th of January.
Take care get well soon.

2010-01-05T23:25:00.010+08:00

I like rain. Heavy ones. Especially in the morning when sleeping but conscious enough to know that it's raining outside. Or even better at night, when going to bed. I like to let the strong winds come into and make the room chilly and cold. And then woo it will be damn comfortable to sleep. I like it when it's cold and I manage to find something to keep me warm. But on another hand I don't like rain also because it hinders me from getting out having my planned activities done and it kills my mood that's only when I want to get out. I don't like to have ulty in rain because I wear spectacles and the droplets keep smacking on my face and the spectacle lenses and I can't see anything! And my shirt would be wet, I have nothing to wipe the glasses if I did, they would be even more blur. Then I can see even more of nothing. But in light rain it's okay I guess, the field is wet and I can do my signature move. While so many has an ability to layout and such, I've never seen anybody else doing leg splits catches on the field. Or sliding around on my boots damaging the field at the same time.

I like the picture above, I like panoramic crops. I like monochrome images as well, sometimes they make the scene more dramatic. I like candid, unplanned, street shots. It has been a long time really since I took any images proper, I still would like to go traveling only for the sake of photographing the experiences abroad. Sounds like a good idea to go to the beach when it rains heavily although there's hardly anything to do then, but looking at the huge waves seems nice. I can only remember the most recent encounter like that was at Sentosa? The shore there is freaking artificial you can't get loud waves. In fact that's mostly the case around Singapore shores I think. According to what I learnt in Geography back in secondary school, it should be ... actually I don't know. I didn't learn anything from studying two years of Pure Geog. But in Singapore the waves we see are definitely nothing. Got to look at the waves from the oceans man.

Okay we're coming into the third day of school for the new year and I was right, although we haven't been doing much I still feel tired when I'm back. Like these two days I was just sitting at the couch and yes I fell asleep I thought I was still having my eyes on the tele. Nothing has changed school and class has still been as uninteresting.

It occured to me that when we are defiant to people older than us, say for example, our parents, I think that they see us as stupid. Because they definitely have more experience in life than us and most of the time, I don't want to admit but they do make decisions that are right and better as compared to ours. I just thought about it because I think children, like really kids of what, secondary school try and pick a fight or always try to talk like they are picking a fight. Obviously, having a kid shorter than me by more than a 30-centimeter ruler skinnier than me maybe half, having a kid like that to fight me it's like hi you are courting your own death, now why don't you just walk away before I beat the hell out of you. Okay I'm not saying I will beat up anybody hahaha, no I won't. But it's what the heck stupid you know you can't possibly fight me, or you can but you will die, so why talk like that really. Come on all it really takes it no more than one hard full swing momentum-ed punch to your smaller than a durian face and you're be out. So don't taunt maybe one day you meet somebody who will really knock you out then good luck have fun you might need to reconstruct your nose.

Gee I saw somebody having this walking out from school wow if I knew where to get it I would snag it asap of course need to look at finances hahaha sian. If you know where to get it, tell me. (OOHHHH I FOUND OUT WHERE!) I'm aware of the price tag to it don't worry. I only know there's a store at Malaysia KL the Berjaya Times' Sq place whoever is going, please inform! Right now is the new year I have many things in mind to buy hahaha it's always like that, most of the time hmm not everything on the list comes home with me. My plan is budget this year, to allow for more!

Ahhhhhh I wantttt!

2010-01-04T01:29:00.005+08:00

Wooo first league game win today.
To top it off, it was a win over they who were top of our Pool, until yesterday when they met us. And we ironically, had been losing for 5 games. Really good way to start the year for our team. Janessa's mouth really very accurate, she said we will win and we really did. Okay I'm not gloating, just happy because .. well when you finally get something done right after many attempts, it's something to be happy about right. That kind of feeling. Okay not forgetting, thanks s for floating!

I think I'm really lucky that my assignments they are not due later, or this week. Or maybe one is. Compared to the many others who have wtf, so many to do. And most of them are just in their first year. Wtf. But the darned CATIA big headache!

Okay I feel like re-touching basketball again, hahaha good thing many of those from Ulty I think do that sport too! After two long years of not ever controlling a basketball, it felt not bad having that casual fun last week. Undoubtedly my teammates all damn pekchek with me hahaha don't say I also know.

I'm going to keep myself awake until school, and then again after school so that I'll be really tired and I can sleepy early and yes my sleeping would be back to normal! I have been living on 2 hour of sleep-time every day, but it's not like I can't afford time to sleep. I just can't. And bloody hell the iPod sync here sync there so troublesome, what the heck.

Okay so picture of the day. I really like it, but would be better if there's more ferocity in the expression. Which mayyyybe I can manage to do some p'shopping. Heh heh good thing it's salvageable.
Okay Hong Na you can download this it's full resolution click on it.

2010-01-02T04:28:00.004+08:00

This night is another sleepless one. No known cause, maybe during this term break I'm too used to sleeping late. Okay but for the hour I spent rolling on my bed I only thought of one person and of course I'm not going to spell it out.

I swear I had this post in mind, while I was still rolling around on the bed, before the very awakening, real, expressive, straightforward post of yours which had some bit of your assumptions in it as well, actually. Hm maybe you can fault me for not putting my words clearly.

Just to make things clear and to reinforce my point, I don't hate you. I have never, neither would I in the future. I don't hate you for whatever you have decided to do, whatever you have said. Ironic that this is coming from me, but I'm not giving an excuse trying to save my ass here.

Alright though whatever that has happened in the past month was nothing that I desired of, I acknowledge the part I play to give this result. It is regrettable to know what a big letdown I have been, and despite that doing nothing thereafter. You're right again I have never tried to put myself in your shoes. Indeed I had no idea what was the extent of disappointment you were facing. Definitely more than me that's for sure. I always carried the hope that you would do a reconsideration. Until just yesterday when I thought over what you have said, looked at you among all of the people. I know I'm never going to make you happy, it will not be enough anyway. When I look at you with them our friends you are definitely more happy and more yourself. And from there, from every other time when I look at you with others, you are more of yourself at times like this. Comparing when you are next to me, really no, what you said is again right I guess you feel really restricted. I'm not a stalker or freak okay but observing you the last two days of last year I see that you are for sure, happier with friends doing what you like saying what you want to. When I see how you avoid, I know there's no further possibility. I don't want to do this, but being there watching and only being able to watch it's not easy it's painful. So I think I'm letting go. I guess all that I remind you about is the disappointment and you probably wouldn't want anything to do with me already. And since you're more contented with freedom being carefree being accountable to only yourself, all the more I see less hope. I don't want to let go honestly but it's a tough fact to know that all I can do is to look on. And know that there's vaguely any hope in this. It will be hard, it will be. But I will convince myself it is no longer possible. Likewise this wasn’t an easy decision to make. But if you need me, if you need a listening ear or anything sure I'm open I'll be here, that's only if you don't mind. I still love you that's what makes it harder. But in any case, you are definitely the most special person to me the best thing to happen for the past year until a time I know not when. Till now I haven’t a reason why it is you, it just is.

Okay so coming to your post I'm not having a rebuttal but what exactly do you think I am assuming? Why would you think I hate you, or something about you? I do not. And yes through this, it has taught me some bit really. Help me grow. Maybe would help me be a more considerate person. Well it has done some bit of change to me since the start already anyway.

And indeed I did take what you said as excuses. But since you have said those are words from the heart, I’ll take that as it is. Sorry to have doubted you, your words. I know apologising means nothing to you. But it does to me. Thanks for being honest with me. Although this whole thing would be better done on a personal note, like another piece of paper but you're probably fuming you might tear it up so here it is.

I do love, but yeah that's not going to be enough.
Stay happy, Sharon.

2010-01-02T02:27:00.002+08:00

I don't like to hear reasons, because I know more often than not they are excuses. Excuses are pathetic, you have to think so hard to give yourself a break from whatever you are facing. And maybe they are lies. Okay fuck this.

My parents like to judge me based on who I was. I mean come on, I've shown you the change but you still want to harp on to the past? Come on people stop judging people by who they were how the used to act, the only reference you should take is now.

I really hope I could be more expressive because it sucks to bottle what I think and feel up and I don't know who to say them to or how. It would be good to put things nicely. Without offending. It would be good to tell that person what you intend to say.

There's something I ought to do as soon as possible. Not my assignments. But actually those assignments are indeed things I should have completed already. Okay I'm going to keep that to myself.

Fuck these.
I think there's a lot of hate and other emotions in me right now.

2010-01-01T00:07:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year everybody.
Fireworks appears during festivities. Looking at it from my window I feel very ... haha I don't know man. Sigh. I thought it would be nice to watch it with somebody I love, right. The crackling makes me think of war actually. Oh well I think I'm sad now hahaha.

2009-12-31T21:48:00.004+08:00

Congratulations Derek, you are ill and alone on the last day of the year.
Actually I just don't want to stay out another night again, not this month at least.

I have been down with illnesses and many physical weirdness these few months. Which is uncommon. Fortunately I don't fall into serious sickness.

Okay here's another I-hate paragraph. If you shut up you probably would have that energy to move. Don't order people around please, when you can't do things right. Try learning how to respect people, at the same time if you would like people to respect you, do your thing right. If you spent some brain thinking time instead of complaining and grouching, then things can be done. When we are pressed for time, don't tell me to slow down. It's not that hard to keep up. Just because you are lazy doesn't mean we all have to wait. Or because your leg hurts. My leg hurts too. His leg hurts too. Their legs are injured too. Get your facts right please before you start scolding, not just because you have something against that specific person.

Jonarse told me the blog is here for you to speak whatever you want no restraints nobody can stop you from saying anything on it anyway. I told him if I hated somebody I would tell that person. Actually no, I won't because some people just cannot take it, they can't take negative comments about themselves. I don't shut up because you are right, but because I know you will think you are right, and there's no point. Which makes me think, there are really many issues which I've encountered, I don't rebut. I could, really. Because it's ironic that the argument they have brought up happens to be what they commit do. So I believe, until you can give, don't ask. Selfish pricks.

Okay 2010 coming in approximately 2 hours, fireworks are going to start bursting, people are going to be shouting Happy New Year to each other and everybody is happy. Well, I wish everybody a Happy New Year indeed. To just wash off all bad events that ever happened in the past year. To stay happy or be happier in the new year.

The scrimmage yesterday, it had a satisfiable but non-pleasurable result. In the sense that the score, to us, was quite an nice thing to happen. But the standard of play like what the seniors said, was really not up to expectations. It's quite scary to know that in a few months, we are becoming somewhat seniors of the new intake. But at this moment our level of play is like this? Lao kui. Like a certain senior said we have built up individual skills to a certain extent, but we need to put them to good use together. We have to learn and analyse deeper and keep our emotions in check. We need to be able to manage ourselves and keep calm under pressure. We have to grow together and encourage, not blame. To every of my teammates I wish to tell you I might be hot tempered sometimes, but I'm definitely not angry at any specific person. And if I've shouted at you I'm sorry too. Let's push each other, let's keep growing together all Juniors.

Btw thank you every organiser for the AGM, it definitely wasn't easy having to plan for and to control that many people. Thanks for making the gathering happen. And don't bother about the people who have so much to grouch about.

Okay and dear Hwee Siang looking at you drunk is seriously scary and quite sad. Please don't drink that much leh it's bad for the body. Especially you 酒量 not good one.

Besides that, in the Ulty aspect, I have to thank:
Joel, for taking the lead, being the bad guy haha but at the same time giving important lessons since when you scold, we remember longer.
Rudy, for providing 1-to-1 assistance from when I just started all the way til now.
Hwee, fun-loving person who doesn't scold but we can see when you get pekchek. Thanks for talking to me for a while after a training when I felt like shit. And for trying to provide hugs from time to time.
Josh, my camp leader twice, impart skillz to my group. And that wake up call and frequent tips from the sidelines.

Yup that's it I go check pictures now.

2009-12-30T01:48:00.003+08:00

This year I've gained many friends. Many of whom I became much closer with. Some of whom I remain quite unfamiliar with still. And a few others who I considered to be friends, but right now we aren't exactly anymore. I don't really like to be selective with people I hang around with, although it's inevitable. But at least I think I am not sticking firmly to a specific group. I have to admit though, there are some others I feel more connected with.

I also don't like to be in a group where there's seemingly a leader there, I don't like to have people who loves to have it their way. It's either I stay away, or I defy hahaha.

I hate to walk slowly. Or wait. I don't like big groups too. Because big groups means a lot of waiting. And slow walking. And opinion seeking. And then there wouldn't be a conclusion to let's say, where we want to go. Sometimes it's fine to have no aim and just walk, but most of the times that's quite a stupid thing to do. And while walking aimlessly some people get lost you have to wait for them.

There's a game plus AGM tomorrow. The game we will win. The AGM we will have fun.
Goodnight.

2009-12-28T08:12:00.005+08:00

This feels weird I'm still don't feel tired after a day and night out. My body is really pretty fucked up. Yesterday I woke up with a horrible headache that made me nauseous all the time. I couldn't walk straights properly, much less when I had to make turns. Turning made my head spin and crack and it was horrible. I walked like worse than a drunk man. Well but activities all the way to the night oddly made me better. No more bad headache anymore. To think I thought rest would be needed to get better. Hm but actually I did, for a short while at Daniel room's floor hahaha something magical about it. And another short while at Semb Park. Okay bloody hell I want to get a cap now I really feel like buying already but whether I would use it much, hmm that's another thing. But no money no talk okay fine.

Okay yesterday night was the bbq/gathering. Sometimes, I don't like barbeques because selfishness surfaces in so many people, I don't like to see it in my friends but what to do right. Elaboration, shall not be provided haha. Hm I don't think anything significant really happened during the bbq. Right, until 11pm when the police came to shoo us.

We had a nightwalk last night, like literally, from Chong Pang to Sembawang Park hahaha damn it I think it's a considerable distance walk until quite sian. And my ankle same thing again haha. Because tauhuay stall closed at 2. And we had nowhere to go so it was decided, the park. When we left Semb Park then I realised wtf we totally didn't prepare to be there for a few hours, like no water no tidbits or what haha. K anyway Hwee sigh got drunk I guess, I thought he was faking it okay he spoke quite a lot of nonsense which was actually pretty funny. K then 6:30 left park take bus no way we were going to walk out. Then that's it, Mac breakfast for them talk cock at the same time. I swear, Jim with his English is good enough to provide you with a good bit of laughter.

I think that is Jim's favourite high-pitched short yet fat auntie on the left. Not sure leh.

My hair and body I think still smells like smoke. My umbrella smells like smoke. I need another bath and then breakfast and then sleep woohoo. Training tomorrow!

2009-12-26T20:59:00.001+08:00

Caught this picture from Tabatha's tumblr. As soon as I saw it I was reminded of Flo Rida's Sugar. Okay nothing interesting much, just that the picture literally shows a part of the song's lyric. I think Tumblr is a pretty cool place to surf, not that I just found out hahaha. But I never went exploring around Tumblr, I think I would feel like blogging every thing there is that I see on certain sites there. Other than that, today hasn't been exactly interesting. Woke up earlier than expected, went out in the rain, came home do thing still not done yet because I keep finding other things to do. Hmm well I wonder why I went out in the rain in the first place, because normally, I wouldn't. Well well looking forward to gathering tomorrow night I think it's gonna be fun with the company. ZD AGM too! But then this kind of gathering somehow they play cards, drink, or what. I do neither. Hahaha totally outcast, so I tend to sit by the side watch them play card and laugh for the sake of laughing because they laugh about how good or bad their cards are, but I don't even understand. So if you have a good or bad hand, don't bother to show me, I'll laugh it off but that's just to patronise you. And New Year is coming which means ... it's time for shopping! I need my financial input soon or else cannot buy shit hahaha! K I'm off back to do what I started out to do this afternoon. Gosh my rate of working is horrible.

2009-12-25T20:49:00.003+08:00

This Christmas I practically slept half of it away. It doesn't matter much to me, Christmas is just another public holiday which much more people celebrate but I don't which makes me an odd-one-out. Actually as we grow older, or for myself at least, festive seasons doesn't feel festive anymore in fact it feels like nothing.

Meanwhile on the Eve I had my night spent all at Thomson. It's really quite a weird place to hang around during a day of celebration but well, lesson learnt from a year ago, don't go to town it's freaking crowded and messy. Yesterday was quite last minute, unplanned stuff. Didn't know where to head to after one thing. So it's literally 走一步看一步. Hmm at Thomson other than foodstuff, nothing else much already right. Yes so we hate dinner, went to lan, then had supper there. Other than that there was a lot of waiting in between too. Okay then finally it was to Royston's place supposedly they wanted to drink but Royston your liquor damn high grade I smell also cannot tahan much less drink hahaha. Right btw pictures, if any, all with Royston he brought the 5DMk2 + 24-70 f/2.8 lehhhh freak I super would want that.

This exact setup I think, unless the body is a different one. Bloody hell bloddy hell. Damn expensive I cannot afford one hahaha. Ok so Royston's house by 4:30 most of everyone else slept or went to try to sleep, damn boring. Leaving Andy and myself. Andy with ipod games, me with Youtube. And I was looking at videos of Ulty, the Pilipinas until like ... 6:30. Then somebody buay tahan woke up and want to go home so we all came home. And then I slept.

Okay Edwin you damn loser, you always go off first. Sleep also sleep first. Damn lousy.

Okay anddd I really hope my best christmas gift comes true.

2009-12-24T00:18:00.000+08:00

I was on my desktop PC then I looked right, guess what I found. Damn vintage, a whole box of flag erasers leh! And some cute mini pastry erasers too. I think the oldest flag eraser in that box is like ... more than 10 years old.

Yeah, this kind, just not that white anymore.

Damn damn damn vintage stuff. Come to think of it why did I even collect them in the first place. It's like, I forgot, 1 for 10 cents? Last time small packet of seaweed also 1 for 10 cents. I remember so vividly back in primary school days I had $1.40 of change and I bought 14 packets of seaweed. Then my Dad saw it and he said I was stupid lol, I agree. I also used to buy this stackable crayon thing, then can fix and build into stuff. And after I build for e.g, a spacecraft lookalike kind of thing, I would peddle them to gullible classmates. Then my mom found out, she scolded me, hahaha. Young entrepreneur.

Hmmm I seem to get stupider and more lazy as I grow up. I was like not bad, quite smart in primary school, then I came to Catholic High and started failing subjects all at one go. What I find weird now is, how come I didn't feel disappointed with my performance. I guess it was complacency. The people there are largely smart man, I was one of the minority hahaha stupid one. Took last few level positions every year. I never saw a distinction until Sec 4 leh damn pathetic you know. And then I came to polytechnic it got worse. I never slept in class until I came here hahaha.

Alright yesterday training day, I am damn sorry to whoever I injured never meant it. I got my retribution please, left the field with some weird lower back muscle strain/injury. Anw, I found out what's wrong with my head. When I move or turn, it feels like my head has been left behind 0.5 seconds. So it gets really, pretty confusing. Okay it doesn't exactly feel that way, but to a certain extent yes it does. Damn blur I tell you.

Somethinggggg like what you see on this kind of typical picture which I can't find any better, or more professionally and properly captured ones. Okay I can't imagine how it would be like if I were to be on a roller-coaster right now I'll probably puke myself dehydrated.

Other than an injury that I came home with, I was awarded with a new nickname by PangPang and Hongna. Eh Hongna why you don't have nickname one, or I don't know about it. So btw I'm more often addressed as 小 Lee with my Ulty big bunch of friends. Why 小 right, I'm larger in size than most of them. Although I'm skinny but still ... Ok right so yesterday the new nickname which I doubt is going to last for long anyway hahaha is 小 Gay. 小 again. But I like Bolang's name for me Hi my name is Dick Lee, pleasure to meet you.

Okayyy so music I never listened to music. Whatever hahaha share one song again. From New Moon actually, but I didn't realise the song from New Moon leh. TabbyPatty introduced this artiste to me. Thank you! She has some kind of ... childish yet alluring voice. And mysterious for this one. Ok this is the song I'm listening to now. Ignore the video!

Well other than this, I like Tonight, Little Bit, and her cover for errrr Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow. One of my links on Facebook actually, find it from there if you have to.

Sometime soon I might make a typical year end post haha.

2009-12-21T20:30:00.003+08:00

That's what Bugis Street is. Yes a freaking maze. I can never figure that place out, thank goodness there are exits all around. I wouldn't want to make that place a hangout for myself the crowd there is impossible, you just can't advance in your path smoothly. I couldn't even see some friends walking pass and ahead of me. To make things worse I've been having this headache, it's not a pain but just like, I lose my sense of orientation so I might walk like a drunk man. And so I hate crowds, they alone give me headaches, but today was like headache plus headspin equals super. Couldn't wait to get out of that place actually hahaha but cannot be a spoilsport right.

Anddd bloody hell we waited about 90 minutes for 3 men to have their hair cut damn long I tell you. At Far East Plaza, nothing for guys to do at all. Especially when I don't have the spending ability at that point of time! Damn pek chek don't know where to go.

Okay and my ankle is really injured but again nobody forced me to go out I did so voluntarily right, cannot be spoilsport again ma. And Leon wanted to walk from Far East to Bugis bloody hell Leon. But eventually we didn't la. Hmm they didn't take much time around Bugis just 2 hours or so but my feet damn pain already hahaha I was so happy when we finally arrived at Raffles Place and got our seats to come back home woohoo. So here I am happy at home, dirty without a bath yet. I am going to forcefully twist my ankle to savour the pain haha.

Training's tomorrow, early morning I gotta sleep early I don't want to oversleep again.

2009-12-20T23:49:00.006+08:00

4th League Sunday, 5th loss.

I've never felt that I put in my everything for the games. I get tired easily, I get demoralized, I am lazy, I don't do what I am supposed to do, be at where I am supposed to be at. I don't have the burst. I find excuses for myself all the time. My ankle has been injured for a month or so, is that supposed to deter from running hard. Come to think of it, I am guilty when I see my teammates putting in so much effort to progress the disc and to make the game better for us. But we cannot rely on them alone.

I want to improve, but everytime on the field I don't seem to be doing things right.

Out of ulty, I have assignments undone left only 2 weeks! But actually I don't know the deadlines. Math, Avionics, Report, CATIA FUCK FUCK FUCK draw aeroplane or some shit with CATIA. Okay just to fill you in it's a computer software which costs about US$30,000 which does 3D drawing and stuff and some guy actually made a Gundam from that software, freak! I wish he was my roommate surely he could do an aeroplane/aerofoil within minutes.

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO WOULD WANK TO THIS!

K yah so I have began listening to music again somehow, limited ones only though. And although I don't see the point of listening to music I don't understand, e.g. Korean songs, I still like some of them. Because I listen probably for the melody? I don't know, some music jargon. I am tempted to get a UM1! I heard it's good, affordable leh. I like sound isolation in-ears. Good things come with hefty price. So I will not consult Eugene or Gabriel because their toys are good and expensive.

And I want to go to Sentosa too my arms, feet and thighs got stupid tanline! The ones on my thighs damn classic.

So my leg looks like that, just that I don't have such super quadriceps. Actually I wouldn't want such disproportioned quads either. Like Eugene said people like that cannot wear skinnies, damn sad you know. I, on the other hand, have un-defined muscles all over my body. In fact I am skinny haha.

K hm today something bad and sad happened it bothers me quite a lot, I can't figure it out but I'm not going to ask you why. But actually, I would like to know why you had to be like that. Ugly as you think it is, you could just bring them home to chuck them aside, I just got them for you since you didn't have any other shoe other than boots to get home in. But well since you think going home in boots is that glamorous then so be it. Since it is an effort gone unappreciated, I will take note I will not dare to try again.

Humans, we shouldn't be cruel. We shouldn't be heartless. We are given a heart for a reason. But well, different humans live differently. I won't ask, won't probe, neither will I ask for anything. I have seen heartlessness, without realisation. What goes around comes around, that's always true. It will come, you don't know when. Perhaps it was my mean character in the past that gave me this retribution. From this chapter of my life, I have learnt quite some bit. It wasn't you who taught me, but you gave me the lessons nevertheless. Different things.

Maybe things will turn out for the better, or worse.

Thanks for taking that ugly side of me, from me. You can keep it.

Well just to share a Korean song which I don't understand as well,

2009-12-19T01:20:00.004+08:00

I don't know what I am doing every day. Don't feel alive. Like a fucking vampire.
I don't feel happy anymore. Happiness is less than momentary. It's no longer real. What's wrong with me, right. Why am I such a sad thing. Why do I pity myself. Why do I feel sorry for myself. I can't let go, I can't move on, don't tell me I will be happier if I let go or learnt to do so.

Very aimless, sad, emo, whatever.

Looking at the cards you wrote, the entries you typed, I feel ... filled with some kind of regret. It shouldn't had become like this. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt or disappoint. I'm sorry.

I cried in my sleep the other night, such a pussy.
Hope nobody reads this.

Don't know what to do with myself.